


Past the Stargazing Season

by Ayri



Series: Painful Death [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders Shorts (Web Series)
Genre: (umbrella anyway there isn't a tag for gray), Abduction, Abusive Parents, Aggression, Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Magic, Anger, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Disorder, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Little Shit, Anxious Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Arguing, Aromantic Asexual Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Asexual Deceit | Janus Sanders, BAMF Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Bad Ideas, Banter, Betrayal, Bipolar Disorder, Bruises, Caring Logic | Logan Sanders, Child Abandonment, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Are Twins, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Needs a Hug, Cults, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Needs a Hug, Deceit | Janus Sanders Has a Different Name, Demisexual Sleep | Remy Sanders, Depression, Derogatory Language, Dismissive Parents, Dragons, Established Relationship, Feral Behavior, Feral Teenagers, Fictional Religion & Theology, Flirting, Food, Gaslighting, Gay Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Gay Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Gay Logic | Logan Sanders, Good Intentions, Heterochromatic Dark Sides (Sanders Sides), Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kidnapping, Knives, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, M/M, Magic, Marijuana, Memes, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Mild Blood, Morality | Patton Sanders Tries, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Good Friend, Mutual Pining, Other, Pansexual Morality | Patton Sanders, Passive-aggression, Past Child Abuse, Pining, Pining Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Protective Deceit | Janus Sanders, Queer platonic relationships, Religion, Religious Content, Romantic Fluff, Romantic MoRoLo, Romantic Sleepxiety, Running Away, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Discovery, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Separation Anxiety, Sexual Humor, Sleep | Remy Sanders has PTSD, Social Anxiety, Social Commentary, Social Issues, Spirits, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Tags Contain Spoilers, Tall Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Tall Deceit | Janus Sanders, Teenage Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Teenage Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Teenage Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Teenage Logic | Logan Sanders, Teenage Morality | Patton Sanders, Teenage Sleep | Remy Sanders, Therapy, Threats of Violence, Trans Morality | Patton Sanders, Trauma, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Smoking, Unreliable Narrator, Unrequited Love, Violence, Withdrawal, death mentions, shouting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:07:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 36,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26371684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayri/pseuds/Ayri
Summary: Sequel toPainful Death for the Lactose Intolerant. Please read that first!Things are better, things are great! Or are they? Or is Roman a wreck, Logan ready to have a breakdown, and Patton terrified? Are things as safe and comfortable as they seem for Remus, Virgil, and Remy? What does sweet dragon magicreallyentail? Things are never as simple as we want them to be and we hurt people in ways we don't realize. At least one thing is for sure. Enough memes will piss of Damien and Virgil and Remus are happy to find his limits.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Sleep | Remy Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton, Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton
Series: Painful Death [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687501
Comments: 167
Kudos: 93





	1. Roman - Crushed

**Author's Note:**

> ♪ [Painful Death Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/09VrOYQ6sbkl0uuT8Lna8b?si=0jbWCjbiRWWbxORhZIXH6Q) ♫
> 
> Check the tags for triggers. Once again, let's all agree to be nice about mental illness and paganism in the comments.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman returns home after Remy catches a ride.

Roman’s phone buzzed while he was checking out at Forever 21. He found two pairs of jeans and a shirt with a red pattern on the sleeves. Remy had good timing to meet up to go back into the suburbs. He swiped his card and paid for his new clothes with a bright smile to the clerk.

“Have a nice day,” The cashier said as she slid his bag of purchases towards him.

“Thanks, you too,” Roman nodded and grabbed his sack and stepped out of the way to check Remy’s text.

‘Got a ride home  
Thx for the ride  
Had fun last night’ Were the texts Remy sent. Got a ride home from who?

‘Last night was awesome!  
Who did you get a ride from?’ Roman relayed back and headed out into the parking lot. It was kind of hot today and the sun was warm on his skin.

Remy still hadn’t responded when he got to his car. It was only a two-minute walk, but it wasn’t like Remy to not reply quickly. Maybe he was talking with whoever gave him the ride and didn’t want to be impolite. No, Remy wants to be rude, he seemed to enjoy being bitchy. Roman stared at his phone for a moment. Remy also hated using his phone as a phone, but something felt weird about this. Roman called Remy’s cell, but it went straight to voicemail. That’s even more unlike Remy.

Roman got out of his car again and checked the Starbucks. Maybe he returned for more coffee? He seems to have a big fucking problem with a caffeine addiction. Roman walked through quickly and scanned around outside near the Starbucks. He didn’t see Remyanywhere. Roman sighed and headed back to the car.

Well, it wasn’t the first time Remy had been cagey or dodged him. It was unusual recently, but if Remy was hanging out with Virgil or Remus, he wouldn’t always answer texts or things like that. Though that made this radio silence even weirder. Roman had no inkling who would give Remy a ride home. He didn’t get along with people easily and couldn’t think of anyone in town he knew to even get a ride from. Unless his dad caught him or something. Roman really hoped that wasn’t the case. Remy was already in trouble when he headed home. Roman couldn’t imagine anything good coming out of being caught in town. It was a good thing Remy was nearly 18.

Roman climbed into his car and started the engine to head home. Even after the coffee and cake, he’d kill for a nap. He wasn’t sure how late he and Remy were up together, but he probably only slept like 4 hours tops. He and Remy had meant to go to sleep, but they just got caught up chatting. Not to mention Roman had a little trouble sleeping with him right there. It wasn’t fair.

Roman pulled up to the curb outside of his house and checked his phone again. Still nothing. He shot Patton a text checking on if he was okay. He nearly texted Logan but thought better of it. His phone probably got taken when he got grounded, and Roman didn’t want to accidentally give Logan’s dad evidence of wrongdoing. Roman would have to wait till Monday to talk to him. Hopefully, Logan had enough fun last night to sustain him while he was being punished. It was a rough gig to have such tight-handed parents. Roman’s parents didn’t restrict him much as long as he kept looking and acting like they wanted him to. It was easy to manage, as much as it frustrated him.

“Mom, Dad, I’m back,” Roman called as he entered the house and locked the door behind him, sliding his keys back in his pocket.

“Roman, _darling_ , good to see you. Where have you been?” It sounded like his mother hailed from the kitchen. Roman headed that way to meet her and get a drink.

“I was with Pat,” Roman said nonchalantly. He knew she wouldn’t push it as long as he didn’t let her know what he was up to.

“Oh, he’s such a good boy. I like that Patton. Did you eat while you were out? I can have Steve whip something up for you,” She offered distractedly. She was sitting at the table eating a small plate of fruit and working on her tablet.

“I ate. I’ll be fine until dinner, thank you though,” Roman sighed, getting himself some juice to drink from the fridge.

“Have you heard from Remus, yet, dear? The school called about him yesterday,” She sounded distant while she spoke.

“No, he’s still _missing_ , mom,” Roman responded dourly. Not this again. He wasn’t sure he could tolerate it today.

“Oh, he’s not missing, don’t be _dramatic_. He’s surely off with that Virgil boy like he always is,” She waved her hand dismissively. “Those plays make you so _fatalistic_ sometimes, life isn’t some Shakespeare play with tragic endings for everyone involved. You can be so histrionic,” She said dismissively, waving Roman off and picking up another piece of fruit.

“We checked Virgil’s house and nobody has been there, still. You don’t find it suspicious at _all_?” Roman asked, too tired to mask the testiness in his tone.

“Maybe they’re camping or something. It’s not the first time he wouldn’t answer our calls or disappeared, Roman,” She huffed shortly.

“It hasn’t been just a few days. It’s been over _two weeks_ ,” Roman crossed his arms and glared at her.

“Oh, has it? Oh, that boy is in so much trouble. He’s such a disappointment. He’s going to have a lot of explaining to do. He’s losing his car privileges for sure, don’t let him drive if you see him,” His mother shook her head and daintily ate a piece of cantaloupe. She didn’t take her eyes off the tablet.

“Mother, don’t you think two weeks is enough time to maybe consider filing him as a missing person?” Roman suggested shortly. She didn’t acknowledge him glowering at her.

“No, darling, there’s no need to involve the police and make a _mess_ of things. He’s just a delinquent. Stop overreacting,” His mother furrowed her eyebrows, but otherwise didn’t react. She was completely distraught about her missing child, surely. Roman groaned and left the kitchen before he said something he regretted, because holy shit, he had some choice words for her right now. He was even more tired after that fustercluck of a conversation.

Roman flopped down on his bed, staring at the ceiling in his room. He checked his phone uselessly again. He already knew he hadn’t gotten a text back from Remy or Patton yet. He should just take a nap. Somebody will probably text after an hour or two and help quell this unsettled feeling in his stomach. Though, maybe that feeling was because he got to be so close last night and he was all alone again. Roman always got the worst crushes. Why couldn’t he ever like a boy who liked him back? Stupid gay curse of getting crushes on your friends. Stupid romantic heart getting attached at the slightest attention.

He buried his face in his pillow and fought the urge to scream. He knew he was being dramatic, but it fucking hurt, damnit. To fall asleep in Remy’s arms and get ghosted the next day? It was a nightmare scenario, and he just lived it. Why did Roman do this to himself? He knew Remy wasn’t interested. He knew Remy wasn’t in a good enough or safe enough place to even consider dating anybody. He knew Remy’s dad might actually kill him if it got back to him that Remy started seeing Roman. He knew all of this and still followed him into Virgil’s room like a lovesick puppy, anyway. Neither of them was even out to their parents. But that stupid amazing kiss and the way his heart felt and-

“Ugh!” Roman shouted into his pillow and buried himself under the covers. What was the point? Remy never showed a flicker of interest. Never even a single furtive glance. Roman was only half considering asking Patton out, but maybe he really should. Roman deserved somebody who might like him back and wasn’t trying to drink himself to death out of grief. Not that Patton deserved a lovesick puppy pining after someone else, either. Oh god, Roman left that vodka in his trunk. He just wanted to get it away from Remy for the most part. He did actually like the bottle, it was very Hamlet. But Roman was more concerned Remy would just finish it by himself if Roman didn’t take it.

Roman grunted and got up to go get the extremely illegal alcohol out of his car. Open containers and under-aged drinking and all that good stuff his parents would through a snit fit over. It was exceptional vodka, at least. It was a win-win scenario. Roman doesn’t have to drink piss-beer, and Remy doesn’t die of alcohol poisoning all alone at Virgil’s house. It seemed like a good idea at the time, at least.

Patton said he hid most of the rest of the alcohol in the house while he and Remy went to bed. Remy could find some of it, but Patton and Logan were very crafty about it. If Remy wanted to drink again, he’d have to get Patton to pull out a bottle so they could watch him. Remy could assuredly find a house party, but at least he couldn’t drink himself to death alone. Somebody would hopefully help him at a party if Roman wasn’t there. And maybe Remy would be willing to come to hang out again for more of the hundred-dollar vodka and- God damn it, Roman, _stop it_. Stop doing this to yourself.

Roman reached in and pulled the bag out of the far end of his trunk. Remus might have a flask in his room Roman could steal and put most of this in so he could clean and display the bottle. Fill it with glitter goo and make it ominous, or maybe just paint the inside to look more realistic. Remus liked to drink tic-tacs out of a flask for some reason, and he had a few different ones. Roman took the sack inside and buried it under some winter sweaters in his closet. Roman steeled himself as he left his room and went down two doors to Remus’s room.

It was the first time in a while he’d stepped in here. He mostly avoided it because Remus’s idea of organization was a nightmare, but lately, it just reminded him Remus wasn’t here, he didn’t enjoy being here, he possibly wasn’t ever coming back. And Roman didn’t need that reminder shoved in his face, that he fell for his parents shit and pushed his twin brother so far away that they had barely shared twenty words of conversation before he disappeared. Roman started digging around in a drawer near his bed. It seemed like a reasonable place to start.

There wasn’t a flask anywhere near Remus’s bed. Roman found three flasks in Remus’s closet of all places, stored with some old toys and what looked like mementos. That location made sense, weirdly? But not in a normal way. There was a wide variety of decorative knives in his bedside table, which kind of worried Roman. They were mostly dull, but some weren’t. And he hadn’t seen Remus outside of a jacket in a while, although it was getting warmer. Patton’s worry was probably just rubbing off on him.

Patton was so freaked out on Friday about Remy hurting himself, spouting all of these facts his mom told him in a mad ramble. Remus showed no signs of doing that kind of thing. He just enjoyed playing with knives. Remy wouldn’t do that either. At least Roman didn’t think Remy would. He knew Remus was adamantly against it for other people. He didn’t even like people joking about it. But maybe that was because he did it? Roman couldn’t be sure, and he kind of felt like an ass for not knowing.

Roman took the three flasks back to his room. It felt weird in Remus’s bedroom and was glad he found what he was looking for so he could get out of there. Maybe it was just Roman’s guilt, but he swore that room felt haunted. He combined all the tic-tacs into a coffin-shaped one and placed the other two on his desk. There was a big one with a dragon motif on it that would probably fit most of the vodka, but he probably needed to clean out the minty-dust before putting nice vodka in it.

He laid back on his bed with a sigh, curling back under the covers. Patton had been freaking out about Remy a lot lately. Roman would have wanted to go party with Remy regardless because he was a hopeless idiot, but Patton practically begged them both to come over. But Remy honestly seemed fine last night. He didn’t drink too much, at Patton’s behest, and cackled freely all night. Nothing like he had been acting lately, where he never laughed unless it was sarcastic and he wasn’t interested in doing anything.

All the house parties ‘bored’ him and he wouldn’t even take free food, which Remy normally was all over. Roman knew Remy was spending way too much time at Virgil’s place, partially from Patton’s reports, but also the bruises all over Remy’s arm when he took off Virgil’s jacket to go to bed. Roman didn’t want to imagine how he got those, but Remy hadn’t bothered side-stepping anything about his home life lately, so he didn’t have to do much to connect the dots. He used to be very cagey about it.

When they went to Virgil’s room together to chat, he seemed so normal. Not give-it-all-away or uncharacteristically cheery or _any_ of those things Patton said. Remy was his normal chatty, kind of bitchy, secretly worried about everything, and his high-energy self. Though maybe the energy part was all the coffee he drank. And he even offered to share the bed with Roman instead of Roman sleeping on the floor or Virgil’s parents’ bed, which everybody agreed was kind of weird. Somebody who was depressed and suicidal was supposed to push people away. Remy cuddled against Roman as if it was the most natural thing to do. And maybe it was with his brother. Which Roman was admittedly very jealous of. But there was nothing he saw that screamed ‘in danger’, not from Patton’s horrible warning sign list or just any gut instinct. Remy seemed okay, emotionally. Elated, even.

Though he was acting very oddly today. Why did he take a backpack into town for some secret errand? Was he pawning stuff for money? Remy told him his dad didn’t buy much food for him, mostly just stuff for sandwiches. He also didn’t get an allowance. Roman was relatively certain Remy made money by placing bets with drunk people. But he spent like twenty bucks at Starbucks like it was nothing and bought his own food for lunch. Maybe he’d just been stealing things from Virgil’s parents to piss them off. Roman wouldn’t put that past him. It was petty enough for him to want to do, Remy loved being a petty bitch. Roman was also extremely frustrated that neither of their parents was willing to do anything.

Remy was nervous about something, though. He kept checking the time and looking out the window. But Remy didn’t prefer to talk about it and pushing Remy to do things he didn’t want just involved him running off, and Roman didn’t want to risk that. It was hard enough that Remy was struggling and Roman couldn’t help him. It was nearly impossible to be so hopelessly into someone you couldn’t help. It would be completely unbearable if Remy ran off. Remy always came back after a bit, he usually needed a few days to cool down if you pissed him off. He was sensitive to that kind of stuff because of his dad or something. But Roman really didn’t want to wait through those days. Especially not when he could still remember how Remy felt in his arms.

Roman came here to sleep, damnit. He needed to stop freaking agonizing. Remy seemed okay yesterday. He was probably being the petty bitch he always was in town yesterday and selling Virgil’s parents’ belongings or something. Remy could have made friends at house parties, too, and maybe ran into somebody and got a ride home. Not that anybody Remy hung out with at parties seemed to talk to him at school… but maybe that’s just the way Remy liked things. Roman could see him soon and maybe even hang out again soon. Maybe get drunk and cuddle again- god damn it, fucking idiot! Roman would not be an enabler, Roman would _not_ be an enabler-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 Trigger Warnings:  
> Angsty angst, one-sided pining, referenced suspected self-harm, referenced alcohol abuse, knives (in reference), gaslighting parents, dismissive parents, generally shitty parenting, abandonment, general painful death teenage delinquency references
> 
> This chapter Beta Read by [Jamie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/midge1/profile) & [Max](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxIsOnline/profile) & [Vega](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Vega_Star/profile)


	2. Patton - Poopcreek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very little goes right for Patton.

Patton yawned and leaned into Roman at lunch. He felt as if he was still working off that hangover. But maybe it was also his freak out this morning when Remy didn’t come to school and wouldn’t answer his phone. Logan was right, though. Remy probably got grounded and lost his phone privileges like Logan did. Or more depressingly, he might be too black and blue to go into school without the teachers calling CPS. He stayed home last week because of that. Patton hoped there was more food in the house this time.

“You tired, hon?” Roman asked, wrapping his arm around Patton’s shoulder gently.

“Some of us don’t have magic livers like you do,” Patton grumbled to Roman, but appreciatively leaned into Roman’s open arm and scooted closer on the cafeteria bench.

“It’s been _days_ , Pat, I think you just need a nap,” Roman chuckled and shook his head, picking at the last of his food on his tray.

“No, I still feel fuzzy, I swear,” Patton insisted grumpily, rubbing his cheek and pressing into Roman’s warmth.

“Roman is correct, Patton. It’s likely the stress presenting in an unfamiliar way,” Logan supported Roman, stacking his empty lunch tray under Patton’s and pushing it aside.

“Well, I still think it’s crazy that Roman barely acted hungover when you and I were down and out all weekend,” Patton grumbled sourly. It wasn’t fair that Roman and Remy could bounce back so fast when Logan and Patton got sick.

“I’m built for victory over physical obstacles, what can I say?” Roman grinned and rubbed Patton’s arm consolingly. Patton exhaled tiredly, appreciating the affection.

“You’re also a ‘seasoned veteran’ at teenage rebellion,” Logan smirked at Roman smugly. Roman frowned at Logan and narrowed his eyes at him. Logan had a fair point, though.

“Yeah, that too,” Roman grunted bitterly, taking his arm off Patton to cross his arms and lean on the table. It upset Patton to lose the friendly contact, but he didn’t feel it was right to be selfish and object to Roman moving.

“Be nice, Logan,” Patton chided pointedly and pouted at them for arguing.

“I’m not being _rude_ , I’m providing supporting information to your theory that he has a particularly capable liver compared to us,” Logan shrugged dismissively, still grinning a little and glancing away.

“That was a lot of words for just telling us you were sassing me,” Roman pointed at Logan accusingly and narrowed his eyes.

“That _also_ occurred, yes,” Logan picked at some lint on his shirt and smirked at Roman. Roman chuckled lightly and relaxed a bit, no longer sporting an annoyed expression.

“Are you going to make it through the rest of the day alright, Pat? You need me to get you a soda from the machine or something?” Roman offered, peering over to Patton. He really was sweet.

“I would love a _Gatorade_. Blue or Red, please,” Patton pleaded and slumped to the table tiredly. Roman rubbed Patton’s shoulder gently before he dutifully got up and headed to the vending machine against the wall in the cafeteria.

“You want electrolytes?” Logan leaned on one arm with his jaw rested on his fist, watching Roman walk away.

“It wouldn’t hurt if it _was_ stress and not a long hangover,” Patton shrugged dismissively. He craved something sweet. He considered getting a cookie from the snack bar, but he didn’t want to move. He was too drained today. The sugar water would hopefully be enough.

“That is true. Do you think you would do it again, though?” Logan asked curiously with a raised eyebrow.

“Hmm. Yeah, probably. It’s not like anything terrible happened, and I had a ton of fun. I can’t believe how skilled Remy is at that dancing game even while drunk. I fell over so quickly!” Patton laughed at the memories. He really _did_ have an enjoyable time with everybody when he thought he would be too busy keeping an eye on Remy.

“I’m hoping if I do a few extra chores and exemplify good behaviour, father will let off early. Two weeks isn’t unreasonable for not checking in or getting permission, but I can’t wait to play more video games. I am also going to run out of books to re-read pretty quickly,” Logan sighed and leaned forward on both his arms in his fists, looking dour. Roman sat back down on the bench and slid Patton a blue _Powerade_.

“Thanks,” Patton smiled and cracked the bottle open to take a drink. It wasn’t cold from the machine for some reason, but it was still sugar water and that was good enough for Patton.

“Need me to sneak you some books? Remus has a few you haven’t already borrowed. He likes dark stuff, but they’re better than re-reading the same thing over-and-over again,” Roman offered. He was so considerate. Patton sighed and watched Roman lean forward on the table.

“I was going to ask you to bring _Divergent_ tomorrow, but I wouldn’t mind something new. I am especially interested in anything Virgil recommended to Remus,” Logan replied brightly, looking excited.

“I can bring that and one or two of Remus’s books. I think Virgil suggested most of them,” Roman suggested. “Remus wasn’t much of a reader as a kid,” He added and shook his head slowly. Patton leaned back against Roman while he drank his blue sugar.

“That would be outstanding. Thank you, Roman,” Logan thanked him cheerily. After a moment, his face dropped and he let out a melancholy sigh. “Remus won’t be mad about me borrowing his books without asking?” He inquired with a concerned expression. Roman just stayed silent, his expression unreadable.

“You don’t think he’s coming back, do you?” Patton asked softly after an awkward pause.

“We turn eighteen in a few months. I don’t know why he’d bother coming back if he’s been gone this long,” Roman exhaled harshly, dropping his shoulders.

“That’s _if_ he found somewhere to stay and a job to earn money at, Roman. That seems like a stretch. He is seventeen with no work history and not very focused,” Logan shifted uncomfortably, looking concerned at Roman. Roman just shrugged and sipped at his drink.

“Well, I think he likes you enough to borrow his books, probably. He asked about you sometimes. Remus never cared much for his stuff in the first place,” Roman explained, slumping against the cafeteria table. “You talked with him more than I did, anyway,” He added, sounding somewhat sour about it.

“It was more accurate to say he was _present_ while I spoke with Virgil,” Logan replied plainly. “I think Remus chatted the most with Patton, even if we discussed things from time to time,” He motioned to Patton who jumped a little at the reminder.

“I was trying to be _nice_ , but he always sent me awful gory memes,” Patton pouted hard, grimacing at the memory. “If his books are anything like his taste in movies, I _really_ hope you’re not interested, Logan,” He said pointedly, looking suspiciously at Logan.

“I’ll bring him the fantasy stuff, Pat, not the horror novels. You’d be amazed at how many high-fantasy dragon novels he has,” Roman rolled his eyes dramatically, sounding exasperated.

“I wouldn’t mind trying one. I’ve never read a proper horror novel before,” Logan shrugged dismissively, but he was clearly interested.

“Okay, one horror, one fantasy book, and the first two _Divergent_ books,” Roman suggested, holding out two fingers on each hand.

“That sounds perfect, thank you,” Logan smiled and nodded, looking pleased. He leaned towards Roman and dropped one hand on the cafeteria table to drum his fingers on the table quietly.

“Ugh, just promise not to mention anything horrid to me,” Patton shivered and Roman pulled Patton in again. Logan looked slightly disappointed, but nodded anyway.

“You can tell me all about it, Lo. I don’t mind,” Roman offered, shooting Logan a soft smile. Logan blinked a few times, looking a little discombobulated, but he smiled back at Roman.

“If it means that much to you,” Patton sighed despondently. It seemed important to him.

“No, it’s fine, Patton. I understand those things unnerve you. I just like talking about the books I read. If Roman is willing, then I am satisfied,” Logan said consolingly, taking a moment to look away from Roman to Patton.

“Oh, thank goodness. I’m sorry that I’m so squeamish, guys,” Patton shuddered again and Roman rubbed his arm reassuringly after pulling him back in. Patton was grateful for the return of the nice body heat.

“It’s nothing to apologize for, Pat, we’ve all got our touchy subjects,” Roman smiled reassuringly and Patton melted a little. Roman had a thousand-watt smile. Patton smiled back weakly at Roman, very aware his face was hot. Roman didn’t point it out though, and Patton took a long sip of his blue drink to settle down.

“How long till you think we’ll see Remy again, Lo?” Roman asked, sounding concerned. Patton looked to Roman with worry, putting his hand on him.

“He came back after two days before. Since he wasn’t fully healed from the last time, it may be a little longer. It all depends on if he can cover them or if he hit him somewhere more visible than usual,” Logan shrugged, frowning deeply. “Or perhaps if his father leaves the house, Remy will presumably try to break out to Virgil’s house again,” He suggested, sounding displeased at the idea.

“That’s… probably fair,” Patton replied, sinking more into Roman’s side. “I’ll knock on the door after school, just be sure. Remy’s always answered the door there,” He reassured them. Roman exhaled and looked tired, shrinking a bit into himself. “Mood,” Patton smiled weakly at Roman, who returned a similar half-smile.

“The bell is about to ring,” Logan said, glancing up at the school clock. “I’ll see you gentlemen after school,” He waved and got up from the table.

“Bye, Lo,” Patton waved back, feeling a little more empty as Logan left.

“See ya, specs,” Roman grabbed the empty trays and stood to return them. Patton fidgeted with the label on his sports drink for a moment. He didn’t like any of this. How did he miss all this stuff happening around him? It scared Patton to think he was still missing something. And that he can’t do enough to help them. Patton didn’t want to see Remy hurt. There was so much going on, only a single person adjacent to him. He was normally so good at noticing people in need. Maybe Patton was just so happy in his little bubble he ignored it. And that thought made him feel like poop.

“Hey,” Roman placed his hand on Patton’s shoulder and Patton looked up to him. “There’s nothing we can do right now. Don’t go blaming yourself again,” Roman held out his arm and Patton got up from the table. Roman gave Patton a quick hug and a bright smile. “You’re a great friend, okay? Blaming yourself will help nobody,” Roman reminded him. Patton nodded. Patton didn’t realize how much he must have been expressing on his face for Roman to notice.

“Thanks,” Patton smiled. “I’m sorry,” he added, looking at the table.

“Hey, no sorry. I get it. This isn’t the first time you’ve put yourself too out there and gotten hurt,” Roman rubbed Patton’s shoulder for a moment and propelled him ahead to the halls.

“I just wish I knew,” Patton muttered dourly, shaking his head.

“Me too. More than anything,” Roman sighed sadly. The bell went off, and they headed down the hallway to their respective classes with a small wave when they separated. Now Patton felt _really_ empty. It would be hard to focus in class again.

—

Patton knocked for the third time and waited another minute. Nobody came to the door at Virgil’s house. Remy must still be home recovering or under watch. Patton couldn’t be sure where Remy was _safer_ at the moment, but he was glad that Remy wasn’t at Virgil’s _alone_ again. It must be difficult for Remy to deal with all of this. Patton would be a mess if Logan and Roman up and disappeared, too. Patton started the walk back to his house.

Patton hoped he hid all the alcohol well enough. They were still a little drunk when Remy and Roman went off to Virgil’s room and Logan and Patton pretended to go to bed. Logan probably hid his share very well. He looked very satisfied with himself when he came back to the couch. Patton mostly remembered trying to get Logan to stop playing Mario Kart long enough to sleep, not the actual sneaky process of alcohol hiding. They didn’t bother moving the gin, since Remy had told Patton a harrowing story and an admission that he’d rather chop off a certain body part than drink it again. Patton hoped Remy looking at the bottle would dissuade him in general.

It deeply shook Patton the day he came over, and Remy had already drunk so much that he ended up throwing up after crying. Remy admitted he wasn’t even paying attention to the amount he drank and even said he might not have _noticed_ if Patton wasn’t there. Remy could have _really_ hurt himself if Patton hadn’t come over. Roman was always riding Patton about being too ‘self-sacrificing’, but Patton couldn’t just _not_ help people in trouble.

So _maybe_ Patton wanted to try alcohol, but more than anything he wanted Remy to let Patton come back and stop him from drinking too much. Because Remy looked so empty and it yanked at Patton’s heart every time he saw him. Roman was always riding Patton about giving up himself for others, but Remy was right there and so dangerously alone, and just the thought of Remy sobbing desperately against Patton’s chest made him want to cry all over again.

Patton unlocked the door and shuffled into the empty house, heading into the kitchen for some coconut water and a fig bar. His head hurt. Patton finished his drink and snack quickly and went upstairs to his bedroom to go lie on his bed. He slid his backpack down next to his dresser and fought off his binder before crawling under the big fluffy comforter and closing his eyes. He hoped Remy wouldn’t do anything dangerous while Patton couldn’t talk to him.

He had fun video calling Remy and hanging out with him at Virgil’s sometimes, even though he was just trying to keep Remy safe. He had fun at the party with his friends. He couldn’t believe that they didn’t get closer before recently. So maybe Remy could be mean and catty, and he had unnerving mood swings, but Remy was caring under the prickly defensive layer he kept around him. Remy always made sure Patton was drinking water and eating enough food and even helped Patton out when he was binding unsafely without knowing it. Though that was all facilitated by alcohol. That thought left a bitter taste in his mouth. But Remy was nice despite everything he’d been through and all of his dangerously unhealthy habits.

Maybe it was unrealistic to hope that if they became friends sooner that things would be better. Patton couldn’t fix Remy’s dad, no matter how hard he tried. Or bring home Virgil’s parents. Or even tolerate Remus for longer than short bursts. And Remy’s identity was so intertwined with all of those things, and he’d still be up poop-creek even if Patton had reached out earlier. But Patton had to _try_.

He couldn’t help but wonder where Virgil and Remus went. Logan was still trying to research, but he had found nothing other than coming up with statistically feasible guesses. Remus was, well, stacked. Strapped. Buff. Big. Honestly, pretty hot. He could pass as an adult. Virgil absolutely could not. Remus had money and a driver’s license. Virgil did not. It just made little sense. Remus had to support both of them somehow, but Patton wasn’t sure how Remus could have got a job or either of them could have found a place to stay.

And, well, Remus _looked_ like an adult, but he didn’t _act_ like one. And he could be very scary sometimes. And Patton didn’t know what kind of job a 17-year-old with Remus’s mental illnesses could hold. Patton had a class with him once, and Remus was always muttering to himself and watching things that weren’t there. It was unnerving to be around. And Patton knew that he was overreacting and even being offensive. But if _Patton_ was overreacting, then he couldn’t understand how some white middle-aged manager or something _wouldn’t_ be.

But he had to hope they were somewhere safe and fed. He refused to believe that something bad happened to them. He had to keep the hope alive, if for no one else’s sake but Roman and Remy’s. He hoped he could contact Remy soon and make sure he’s okay. Maybe bring him a lunch box of healthy food.

Patton’s phone buzzed, and Roman had sent him a meme. He chuckled through his nose and looked for an appropriate response gif. Roman was being very nice about all this. It must upset him that his brother was gone, but Roman rarely shows it. Every once in a while he’ll frown, but he always seems to cheer back up quickly. He had to be hiding how hurt he was. He knew Roman was hiding something. Roman’s family was okay, but his parents were very… _pro-repression,_ and Roman wasn’t immune to that.

Patton hated that this thought crossed his head, but the solution might be alcohol. It worked on Remy, at least. But Patton didn’t want to push Roman. Remy was _very_ clear that he didn’t appreciate that Patton pushed him to open up. Maybe if they happen to drink with Remy again, he could get them to communicate with each other.

Roman must relate to him a lot with his brother gone. Patton caught Roman’s eyes lingering on Remy most of Friday night and Saturday morning. He probably wants to talk to Remy about it, but Remy doesn’t enjoy opening up. Roman seems nervous about opening up, too. He keeps stumbling on his words around him when Roman’s normally very eloquent and poised.

Well, as much as he hated the idea. Getting drunk again with Roman and Remy could be a suitable solution to them being vulnerable with each other. Patton could just push them in the right direction and ‘go to bed early’ or something. He heard Roman and Remy up talking together after they did it last time, so he knew that would work. But he could be there for both of them until then. Patton just had to watch his step because Remy was so easy to scare off.

Remy was right. It sucks that this mess is on them to deal with. He longed to hand this off to experienced adults who could track down Remus and Virgil and make sure they are safe. And also get Remy in a safer home and get all of them a heaping helping of therapy. Patton probably would need therapy too, and _he_ isn’t the one with the obvious drinking problems. All the alcohol abuse surrounding him was scary. He was under the impression they lived in a _nice_ part of town and went to a _good school_. The bar was low if his first thought was ‘at least none of them are doing meth’… Patton needed to ask his mom about seeing a therapist, too. Maybe he could help his friends out better if he _knew_ better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:  
> Food, Depression, Mentions of Abuse, Mentions of Alcohol, Ill-advised planning
> 
> Beta Read by **[ssenkradisacoolnameithink](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssenkradisacoolnameithink/profile)**


	3. Logan - Restless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan attempts some more sleuthing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings in endnotes

It had been a week since they’d seen Remy last. Patton was crying on the bus home, which Logan regretfully was no help with. Logan was never sure what to do with such overt displays of emotion. His parents always discouraged that kind of behavior. He just patted Patton’s back in reassurance as he stared at the bus seat.

Roman was usually there to handle those kinds of emotional events. Logan told Patton to call Roman when he got home, hoping Roman could handle things better. Logan felt bad about the entire event. Roman was hurting too, and Logan simply wasn’t equipped for these kinds of things.

Logan couldn’t stop his concern from growing. It would be reasonable for Remy to get grounded and lose his phone access after staying out all night. Logan received said punishment, himself. It didn’t seem reasonable to need seven days to come back to school after being abused. Remy had never taken that long before.

The most concerning thing was that Remy’s phone service was disconnected. The phone number had an automatic message saying the number was unreachable. Roman tried calling this morning six times, rechecking the phone number, and swapping phones to make sure. Logan would need to figure out where Remy lived to see him. And he’d need computer access for that.

He adjusted his glasses as got up from his desk and headed out of his room. Logan went downstairs to locate his father. He was working at the kitchen table, as usual at this hour. Logan stood in the archway and waited for his father to look up. He didn’t want to disturb him.

“Yes, Logan?” His father said after a moment’s more work.

“I need internet access to further research my homework. The textbook’s information on the silk road is unsatisfactory. I have an essay due on the subject in a few days,” Logan explained.

“You may use your laptop for an hour. Your mother or I will periodically check up on you to make sure you are on task,” His father explained and nodded. Logan retrieved his laptop from his father’s laptop bag and took it upstairs to his bedroom. He didn’t have long to hunt down the address before someone checked on him. And he also _actually_ needed to do further research on the silk road.

Logan set the laptop on his desk and opened an incognito window to google Cesrâler, along with the parts of the address he knew. It was a fairly unique last name and they would reasonably be the only ones in the area. He had everything but the house number just by the virtue of riding the bus with him. Most websites were behind a paywall, but Logan had luck a few web pages in. He promptly recorded the street number and closed the window, opening up a regular browser window to do his homework like he said he was going to.

He quickly and diligently took notes and hoped he’d have a few minutes before someone came to check he was on task. He was only missing information on a few things and could probably even finish the essay after dinner and wouldn’t need the full hour to research it if he was studious enough. He could look up kart stats after someone came in to check on him, which would be a pleasant way to break up the monotony.

It was the weekend, so Logan had no excuse to leave the house to check and no way to give Patton or Roman the address. It would be the most sensible thing for Logan to check since he was the most unassuming of the three. Remy had drunkenly called his father a racist which meant it was likely somebody was going to experience a micro-aggression at a minimum. Since Logan had the least melanin, perhaps he could experience the least amount of animosity. Logan was curious and wanted to check for himself over every other reason he could feasibly produce. He had hoped over all else that Remy would return to school on Monday. He would prefer to avoid a confrontation if necessary.

The weekend passed very slowly while he waited for Monday to arrive. Logan occupied his time with the novels he borrowed from Roman and Remus. Logan had to keep the horror novel hidden, he found himself enthralled in the suspense even though most of the content was distasteful. Logan enjoyed murder mysteries, and perhaps this was an extension of that. Or perhaps he was just tired of being grounded and the transgression was satisfying. Both were reasonable conclusions.

— 🐉 —

“I have procured Remy’s address from the internet,” Logan offered after five minutes of very tense silence at lunch. Patton and Roman’s reaction to not seeing Remy this morning were intense, and they have been quiet and upset ever since. Perhaps not unprecedented, but intense nonetheless.

“I’ll go after school!” Patton volunteered right away, holding up his hand with an intense expression.

“I think it would be best if I went, Patton,” Logan objected, adjusting his glasses and eyeballing Patton curiously.

“Can we all go? I think safety in numbers applies to this situation. I’ll drive us and we can even beat the bus home so there’s less risk of Logan being caught,” Roman suggested, shaking his head and looking at Logan with a concerned look.

“I suppose that’s reasonable,” Logan hummed, rubbing his chin. It wasn’t ideal, but it was fair for Roman to be concerned about their safety. It would be much more covert if it was just Logan, but Roman’s idea was safer.

“What if… Remy’s dad answers?” Patton asked nervously, looking down at his hands. “What if nobody answers?” He added weakly after a pause of silence.

“Remy keeps his bedroom window unlocked so he can sneak in. If we can narrow down which one it is, we could bypass the front door completely,” Roman informed them, sounding determined. That could solve both conundrums. Logan did not like the fact that Remy was less afraid of who could break-in and more concerned with who was already in the house.

“Our neighborhood has a limited number of floor plans. We can simply examine the exterior and narrow it down from the street on one of your phones,” Logan explained how they could figure out which window was Remy’s bedroom.

“You can find the floor plans?” Patton asked, sounding impressed and leaning towards Logan.

“They’re available on the manufacturer’s website,” Logan supplied. His family had used a printed out version to discuss how to rearrange the living room once. It was a little unnerving that they could use them for crime, but this neighborhood was above median income, so most houses had security systems. Remy’s house either didn’t have a system, or Remy’s window wasn’t connected if he could use it to sneak in.

“That sounds like a plan,” Roman said resolutely, pulling out his phone and looking intense. Roman’s hand was shaking slightly as he typed on his phone, even though his face was impassive.

“Roman, are you alright?” Logan leaned over, pointing to Roman’s hand on the phone. Roman looked confused before he looked down and saw his own hand trembling.

“I- yeah. I’m just worried,” Roman said, sounding unsure of himself, which was rare.

“Are you worried about what we might find?” Patton asked meekly, wringing his hands and looking dour.

“I-” Roman tried to start but just swallowed and nodded slowly.

“We are going into this knowing that Remy is in at least some danger, Roman. Are you afraid of seeing the effects again? I would classify your expression the last time you saw them angry, not distressed to this point,” Logan tried to figure out what Roman meant. Roman slid his phone back in his jacket pocket and picked up his utensil again, looking downtrodden.

“I think Pat’s awful depression facts got in my head, it’s probably not real,” Roman said dismissively, poking at a yeast roll with his plastic fork.

“You don’t think he hurt himself did you?” Patton asked quietly, barely audible over the cafeteria noise.

“No, um… His dad does that enough for him, don’t you think? I’m… I’m worried he might have…” Roman looked at Patton and seemed to consider something. “What if he… how do I say this? What if he pulled a Connor Murphy?” Roman asked quietly. Logan could barely hear him over the cafeteria noise, but his wild eyes spoke volumes more than his words did.

“What does-” Logan tried to ask, but Patton interjected quickly.

“No!” Patton shot. “No! He wouldn’t!” Patton looked desperate and gripped the cafeteria table.

“You said it yourself! A sudden and unprecedented upturn in mood is a sign that he made a very painful decision!” Roman shot back. Oh. “Listen, I just… I can’t get it out of my head! What if we find him, but it’s too late?” Roman choked, tearing up at the corners of his eyes and clenching his fists.

“No, he wouldn’t, Ro! He wouldn’t!” Patton insisted.

“I doubt Remy had access to anything that he could have hurt himself with. His father didn’t trust him,” Logan tried to console Roman with a reasonable conclusion.

“Like that’s ever stopped Remy from doing anything. Anytime he wants something, he always ends up getting it. He’s the most tenacious and petty person I’ve ever met,” Roman said bitterly, looking completely crushed as he stared blankly down.

“He doesn’t want that, though! He just wants his friends back. He couldn’t get them back if he did that,” Patton consoled him, putting his hand on Roman’s shoulder. Roman shook for a moment, biting back something. Instead of speaking, Roman got up and walked out of the cafeteria, leaving his lunch untouched.

“Roman!” Patton called, but Roman kept walking away. “He… you agree with me, right?” Patton asked weakly with a defeated expression.

“It’s just one sign and wouldn’t be the regular order of things,” Logan nodded in confirmation. At least, that’s what Logan hoped.

“Yeah, but he wouldn’t, right?” Patton asked more desperately. He must know Logan couldn’t actually answer that.

“I… don’t believe so?” Logan replied carefully. He didn’t really know Remy well enough to make that judgment call, but it seemed more important to say what Patton wanted to hear. Patton sighed and bit his lip.

“I’m… gonna go talk to Ro. I’ll see you later, okay?” Patton said despondently, getting up from the table and walking quickly off in the direction Roman went. Logan watched him leave and tried to eat lunch, but didn’t have much success. What Roman suggested stuck uncomfortably in the back of his mind. Roman and Patton never came back to the cafeteria, which didn’t help Logan’s state of mind. Five minutes before the bell, Logan cleaned up for them. It was a shameful waste of food.

—🐉 —

Roman gripped his steering wheel so tight his knuckles went pale as they parked outside of Remy’s house. He didn’t bother helping Patton and Logan narrow down which room was Remy’s from the layouts online since he had no pertinent information. Logan just stared at the building with an awful feeling and a foul taste in his mouth.

“I think it’s this room, with the window in the backyard? Here on the right? From Remy’s photos I think this placement of the closet and window together makes the most sense,” Patton suggested, tapping at Roman’s phone screen.

“Would you mind sharing a photo so we can confirm? I would like to go about this as safely as possible,” Logan asked, his stomach turning bitterly. Patton nodded and picked up his phone, scrolling back through the chat history to when Remy was responding and sending photos.

“See right here? You can see Remy’s door and closet in the background. It looks like this room,” Patton said, showing Logan a photo of a textbook in bed with the lineup Patton was talking about. It was likely one of Remy’s check-in photos. Remy was surprisingly willing to consent to such an invasive practice, which lent credence to Patton’s idea that it was unfeasible. Somebody who was trying to cut off likely wouldn’t bother with humouring Patton like that.

“So, we need to jump the fence?” Roman confirmed, swallowing hard and not taking his eyes off the house that seemed to loom over all of them.

“I’m afraid I’m too short to jump the fence,” Logan muttered, shaking his head.

“I’m tall enough and strong enough,” Roman stated firmly, gripping the steering wheel again.

“No, I can go. I can do it. You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to,” Logan put his hand on Roman’s shoulder consolingly.

“I don’t want _you_ to see it _either_!” Roman hissed angrily, unbuckling his seatbelt and rushing out of the car.

“Wait, Ro!” Patton tried to stop him, but he was already out the door. Patton and Logan hastily unbuckled, but Logan paused before leaving.

“Wait, it would be suspicious to have two teenagers milling about near the fence. Please stay in the car with your phone so you can call someone if there’s trouble,” Logan put his hand on Patton’s shoulder to stop him from jumping out.

“But, Lo-” Patton tried to object.

“It’s the best course of action. I will knock on the door and hopefully distract his father if he’s home while Roman checks Remy’s bedroom. Please keep an eye out for me,” Logan said, sliding out of the car and shutting the door behind him. Logan jogged up to the front door and knocked loudly. He waited for about ten seconds and knocked again. He was perfectly aware of how impolite this was, but he was more concerned with Roman’s safety than he was with pissing off the inhabitants. He waited another ten seconds and knocked a third time.

“What the fuck do you want?” The door slammed open and Logan stood his ground as Remy’s dad towered over him.

“I’m one of Remington’s classmates. I was looking for him to work on a project,” Logan supplied evenly. Remy’s father scowled at him, but Logan couldn’t give away that he was nervous and cause suspicion.

“Get the hell out of here!” He shouted in Logan’s face, pointing at the sidewalk.

“Can I inquire about his whereabouts?” Logan asked evenly, though he flinched back from the volume.

“Fuck no, get off my god damn property!” Remy’s dad slammed the door right in Logan’s face. Logan hoped he bought Roman enough time. Logan walked slowly back to the car, and Roman came clambering over the fence a moment later. Logan motioned for Roman to avoid the eyeline of the front windows, and Roman gave the house a wide berth back to his car, coming around from the other side to his car. They got in and Roman drove off down the street right away, which was wise.

“So?” Patton asked hopefully.

“Remy’s father had no answers, which is not surprising,” Logan replied sourly and sighed, sinking into the back seat.

“His room was trashed, but it was empty. No sign of him at all,” Roman replied tensely.

“His father may have torn the room apart while lashing out from anger at Remy,” Logan offered in explanation. “Which hopefully means Remy avoided being hit again recently,” Logan added, attempting to cheer Patton up.

“Well, where is he?” Patton demanded. Logan had no more information than Patton did, but considering the tears welling up in Patton’s eyes, Logan could only assume the question was rhetorical. Roman just stared ahead and didn’t respond. He kept driving and pulled up to a stop in front of Logan’s house.

“Your house, Lo,” Roman sounded hollow as he stared at the road.

“Thank you for helping me check and giving me a ride, Roman,” Logan responded as reassuringly as he could muster. He wished he had something else to offer.

Hopefully, Patton could talk to Roman and help. Or Roman could talk to Patton. Logan wasn’t entirely sure what this reaction meant, but it was obviously not a good one and he was very aware he wasn’t well equipped to handle this. Roman nodded and Logan climbed out of the car. This was not an ideal outcome. Much better than what Roman was afraid of, at least. He wanted to be able to stay to help them, but he was on borrowed time.

Logan walked up to the door and unlocked it, coming back inside. It was always unnervingly silent before anyone else got home. After that harrowing experience, he’d rather not be alone right now, but his mother got home in half an hour and he needed to have appeared to have been here the entire time. Logan went to his room to change out of his school clothes and put away his backpack.

He wished he could do more for them. But all the signs pointed to something terrible. Just because he couldn’t find proof either way didn’t mean he could ignore the facts. He desperately wanted to believe that they were all somewhere safe. Logan would take any sign to the positive. It was not the worst possible outcome. And they did not have proof of the worst potential events. It was a good thing they could not find proof. But also left them in a limbo of uncertainty.

Their friends were suddenly gone, without a trace, during times in which they were deeply depressed. It did not look positive. In fact, it looked horrible any way Logan tried to spin it. Logan slid down into his desk chair and picked up the book he was reading yesterday. He opened up to where he left off in _Four_ but he couldn’t seem to read the words. He stared at the block of text, unable to focus on anything but his inability to find out what happened. Not knowing was worse than any option. It has all the sadness and grief of one option without ever being able to finish grieving or move on. It also contained all the mixed emotions of them still being alive.

Logan sighed and laid his head on his arms at the desk. He hoped to get ungrounded soon so he could go talk with Patton or Roman. Being unable to talk about the subject for more than a short period of time was taking its toll on him, and he just wanted to spend time with his friends. Logan rubbed his face and got up to pace the room. He had a lot of restless energy he couldn’t control.

He wanted to see his friends. He wasn’t capable of handling all these emotions, but Roman and Patton were both distraught. He should be there for them, but if he got caught out again, they’d extend his grounding another two weeks. They might not even let him go on the overnight trip to the theme park they take in the summer. He huffed in frustration as he paced the room. This wasn’t fair to Logan or his friends. His father was forcing him to be a terrible friend. And he didn’t want to be alone right now either. It was absolute bullshit. Logan kicked his desk chair, and it spun partway until it clattered into the desk loudly while Logan fumed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 Warnings:  
> (suspicions of) Suicide Mention, Food, Bad Parenting, Threats, Shouting, Depression, Arguing, Crimes, Anger Issues
> 
> Thanks to [Cinder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssenkradisacoolnameithink/pseuds/ssenkradisacoolnameithink) and [Calypso](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Vega_Star/pseuds/The_Vega_Star) for Beta'ing!
> 
> For those of you who are suffering, the fluff is the next chapter.


	4. Remy - Some Baggage or Whatever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cuddles, withdrawal, and insulting your best friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings in endnotes

“Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey,” Remus cooed, leaning over Remy and Virgil wrapped up in blankets in the pushed-together beds. Remy pulled Virgil closer and groaned bitterly. Virgil buried his head closer in Remy’s chest, refusing to face the sunlight.

“You’re too fucking loud, Ream. I feel sick as shit,” Remy whined and weakly flipped Remus off. He closed his eyes again after Remus’s rude awakening. It was too bright and loud and it was almost like he had a terrible hangover despite not drinking yesterday.

“I will fight god to turn back the sun,” Virgil hissed darkly. Remus exhaled through his nose with a small laugh and went to go close the curtains for them. Remy shifted and grunted in pain, gripping on to Virgil as he hid under a pillow. The pressure from Virgil laying on him was at least nice.

“What’s wrong, Rem? You want me to go get you chicken broth instead for breakfast?” Remus asked, sitting on the bed and feeling Remy’s forehead, knocking the pillow off of his forehead. “No fever,” He added after a pause of pressing the back of his hand to Remy’s head. Virgil reached up to double-check.

“Chicken broth? Ugh, I’d rather be _shot_ ,” Remy exaggerated dramatically and scowled at Remus. Virgil shifted to gently hug Remy as he laid on top of him, and Remy felt a little better.

“Mood. Is there anything we can do for you?” Virgil asked with a soft, sleepy smile. Remy melted a little, though he still kind of felt like he needed to either punch somebody or throw up. Both would be nice.

“The _blackest_ tea you can get,” Remy requested, burying his face under the pillow again and holding it down. The sun was homophobic.

“Oh, I bet you’re detoxing or whatever. They said it happened to me. Remus can probably eat poison, he’s so hearty. They told me that it didn’t happen to him,” Virgil replied, gently brushing his hand across Remy’s arm. “I’m sorry, that sucks,” He added consolingly.

“Does this mean I’m gonna horf?” Remy groaned, scrunching his face under the pillow in disdain.

“You _might_! I’ll go get you your tea and tell the blacksmith you can’t make it today,” Remus was way too cheery about that. He got up off the bed, shifting the pile and bothering Remy’s stomach. “Eating some food might help, I’ll get some extra bread for you,” Remus pat Remy’s shoulder twice before leaving the room.

“Thanks, Ream,” Remy grumbled and waved weakly. “So what am I detoxing from exactly?” He asked incredulously. He thought he was too young for that garbage.

“Oh, well, I’m not sure detoxing is the right word. But for us, it could be a lot of things. We ate badly and drank too much and had coffee for blood. Also, the air is cleaner out here, so maybe even pollution,” Virgil suggested airily, rubbing Remy’s arm with his thumb.

“You can get sick because the air is too clean?” Remy asked even more disbelievingly than before. This was absolutely ridiculous.

“Some people can. It’s not super common, but it’s a thing. It should only last a day or two. It’s probably the withdrawal, though. You know, your liver handling the lack of bullshit you’ve been putting it through,” Virgil shrugged slightly, still lightly rubbing his arm.

“Fuck, why did I do this to myself? Two days? Ugh, babe, kill me now,” Remy moaned loudly in protest of this horrible news.

“I’ll _cuddle_ you now,” Virgil cooed, nestling himself back into Remy’s chest.

“Close enough, I guess,” Remy replied and Virgil smiled lovingly up to him. Remy took his hand off the pillow and held Virgil’s hand instead.

“Once Damien’s done researching with Remus’s laptop, I’ll borrow it to put on a movie for you,” Virgil offered quietly. That sounded like an acceptable way to not have to think about how sick he felt.

“No, your taste in movies is _the worst_ ,” Remy whined playfully, squeezing Virgil’s hand.

“That’s the sound of somebody who really wants to watch _Ninja Turtles_ in Feudal Japan,” Virgil teased him with a cheshire grin.

“ _No_ ,” Remy elongated his lament theatrically. Virgil angled up the pillow to kiss Remy on the cheek. Remy pulled out his arm and wrapped it around Virgil’s head and played slightly with Virgil’s fluffy hair.

“I’ll see if there are any time slots free with the _Switch_. There’s probably some while people are working. Then you don’t have to think about your headache,” Virgil told him kindly, leaning into Remy’s hand.

“You’re sweet, babe,” Remy replied softly. “I hope I recover before the tournament, I can’t wait to decimate in Mario Kart,” He added hopefully with a slightly evil grin.

“Oh, they probably won’t know what hit them,” Virgil chuckled darkly and yawned, pressing back into Remy’s chest. “Let’s go back to sleep after breakfast,”

“You sultry minx,” Remy said flirtily and twisted Virgil’s hair on his finger.

“Are you liking your job? I mean, I know it’s what you picked and all…” Virgil asked with concern, trailing off a bit.

“Yeah. The smell sucks, but it’s cool,” Remy nodded slightly, keeping his voice even, despite his excitement. He was having lots of fun learning.

“I thought you were going to pick working under the brewmaster since you’d get to sample the meads,” Virgil teased, tapping Remy’s chest with his finger.

“I’m trusting that you or Remus will hook me up. Plus, they said I could switch whenever. But, and don’t you dare tell people that I had _feelings_ about things, but I kinda _maybe_ think it could be cool to make jewelry. And a knife for Remus. Because it would make his century,” Remy admitted sheepishly, regretting it as soon as it came out.

“Remy, are you expressing opinions on things that aren’t negative and thinking about making a gift? You really _are_ sick,” Virgil snickered, and Remy felt him shift in his arms.

“You’re such a little fucking asshole,” Remy chuckled and peeked out from under the pillow to kiss Virgil’s hair.

“I want a knife, too,” Virgil giggled, poking at Remy.

“I should have known you were a knife-digger,” Remy grinned down to Virgil who stuck out his tongue at him. Someone probably entered the room from the sound of wood dragging across the stone floor.

“I got you dark tea and weed for your headache,” Remus announced as he re-entered the room, the tray clattering as he walked.

“You’re an actual angel, babe,” Remy pulled the pillow off his face and rubbed his eyes slightly, irritated by the light still. Remus put the things down on the table and Remy let Virgil go. Virgil rolled off of him and Remy sat up slowly, wary of his upset stomach and headache.

“I picked the tea leaves that tasted the most like coffee. Come on, Virge, eat before you go back to sleep,” Remus chided him, frowning at Virgil who was snuggling in the warm spot Remy left.

“Bed comfy,” Virgil whined while Remy slowly got up. “Equinox stuff hard,” Virgil pulled the blanket up over him.

“I got you some grapes and this morning they have pear juice,” Remus tempted Virgil in a sing-song tone, tapping a cup with his finger.

“Hmm, fine, the world can survive,” Virgil sighed loudly, throwing the blanket back off himself. Remy rolled his eyes and made his way to the table, followed closely behind by Virgil. Remus sat down and shoved an entire strip of bacon in his mouth.

“Thorn’s in the kitchen again today?” Virgil snickered, watching Remus.

“He’s thinking about staying in the kitchens after he goes through the ceremony. He said he’s getting into baking lately. He made all this bread,” Remus told them. Remy and Virgil took slices of the bread and started munching. The bread was helping the roiling feeling on top of being absolutely amazing. Fresh bread was special and Thorn was a fucking talented baker.

“Damn, this is good,” Virgil muttered appreciatively after he swallowed. “I don’t think I’m up for bacon if you want my portion,” He shook his head and motioned with his hand to the bacon. Remus looked delighted at the prospect.

“I think just one piece is enough for me,” Remy sighed sadly, picking up his tea to take a sip.

“Is Morgan staying with him in the kitchen?” Virgil asked curiously, scooping some scrambled eggs onto his bread.

“Morgan? That adorable lesbian with the undercut?” Remy asked with an eyebrow raised.

“Yeah, that’s the one,” Remus nodded, enjoying more bacon with a cheery demeanor.

“She was glassblowing at the blacksmith’s yesterday. She’s amazing at it,” Remy said plainly, remembering the amazing work she did. She was so artful and focused, and Remy secretly admired that.

“I don’t think that’s a full-time gig, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she went for it. Morgan always gets stressed in the kitchen, I don’t think she’ll stay with him,” Remus replied, shaking his head as he chewed his breakfast.

“Aw, but they’re BFFs,” Virgil whined, looking deeply disappointed.

“Not all friends work the same job, you two are just incredibly lucky,” Remy rolled his eyes as he pointed out the obvious and tapped the table.

“I rolled a high luck stat for sure,” Remus smirked, taking a big bite of eggs. Remy scoffed and carefully nibbled at a strip of bacon. Remy hadn’t eaten this well in his entire life, and he’d be damned if a little sickness stopped him from enjoying what they had to offer. The tea and bread helped, but the bacon was probably too ambitious. He put down the strip for the bread again.

“How are you able to remember all of these jobs and dynamics and stuff?” Remy looked to Remus curiously and nibbled on the bread.

“Damien’s a killer teacher. He’s really patient with me. Plus, Virgil’s focusing on the spiritual stuff for me so I don’t have to,” Remus explained, motioning to Virgil. Remy still wouldn’t call Remus the focused learner type. Damien must have found a way to get the information in Remus’s head.

“I mean, you’ll eventually have to,” Virgil rolled his eyes at Remus and reached for the juice.

“Nah, you’ll stop me from doing anything stupid,” Remus stuck is tongue out at Virgil, and it still had some food on it. Virgil and Remy both grimaced in disgust.

“Can you cover me for the day? I want to stay in with Remy and rest. I’ll work this evening,” Virgil asked, sounding a little sheepish.

“I’m sure Damien already intended that, but I’ll let him know,” Remus smiled and rubbed Virgil’s shoulder and Virgil smiled back a little guiltily. Remy watched them curiously, leaning on an elbow.

“This whole… thing… is hard to get used to,” Remy mumbled, sipping his tea. Remus and Virgil shared a look and laughed.

“It is,” Virgil leaned over to take Remy’s free hand and squeeze it reassuringly. “I’m really so-”

“Nuh-uh, babe. Just because it’s weird doesn’t mean I don’t like some things here. I’ll get used to the rest. I’ve got you two fuckfaces,” Remy insisted hastily, shooting Virgil a meaningful look.

“Aw, Remy,” Remus made a kissy face, leaning on the back of his hand while he puckered his lips.

“He’s a double fuckface,” Remy laughed, pointing at Remus with his bread.

“Nope, I don’t want to fuck your face, you’ll just have to ask Virgil,” Remus said humorously with a giant shit-eating grin.

“Remus!” Virgil blurted out in embarrassment, his face bright red. Remus shrugged disaffectedly and sipped his pear juice.

“You’re just a jealous bitch,” Remy stuck his tongue out at Remus, and he had the good manners to not have food on it.

“I am, I should have got some tea, too,” Remus hummed as he sipped his juice. “The pear juice is great though, it’s like candy,” He added.

“It really is,” Virgil sounded in awe, reaching for the glass again. Remy’s stomach turned again, and he put down his toast.

“Gimme the weed, I won’t be able to finish breakfast without it,” Remy demanded, rubbing his head and holding out his hand.

“Here ya go,” Remus picked up a small joint off the tray. Virgil hopped up and went over to a small chest of drawers and pulled out some weird-looking matches and came over to help him light up. Remy inhaled and lit the joint, pulling some smooth smoke.

“Do you guys want any?” Remy said and exhaled through his nose, holding up the joint.

“Nah, I gotta work,” Remus waved him off and went back to eating breakfast, looking very excited about his eggs.

“I’ll take a hit. Then I can sleep a little better after breakfast,” Virgil reached out to take the joint. Virgil finished and passed it back, putting the matches away and going back to his breakfast, happily popping a grape in his mouth as he sank in his seat.

“Oh, smart. I might need to swing by and wake you both up, though,” Remus laughed cheerily. Virgil picked up another grape and held it up to Remy, and he opened his mouth so Virgil could toss it in. Remy chewed it slowly and took another hit after swallowing. He was looking forward to his head hurting less and actually being able to finish breakfast. Oh, how standards change with age and also when you join a cult. Remy drank some pear juice for a break and finished off the joint.

“I’m looking forward to more nap time,” Virgil said sleepily, slowly munching his toast as he leaned on his arm.

“How about I wake you up an hour before lunch?” Remus offered, reaching up to rub Virgil’s arm.

“That’s alright with me. How about you, Rem?” Remus nodded and looked to Remy.

“Yeah, babe, that’s perfect. I think the other half of this bacon is yours, Ream,” Remy passed it over to Remus, who ate it in one bite. Virgil offered Remy another grape, and he opened his mouth to accept it. Virgil was so damn cute. He gets this stupid smile when Remy accepts grapes, like what even is this? This is too fucking precious.

Remy’s head and stomach finally settled down, and he could finish breakfast. He even ate a bit of egg. Virgil started passing out, so Remus just carried him back to bed after some vague arguments that Remy couldn’t follow over the last of his crisp bread.

“I’m gonna join Virgil. Good luck with your magic powers and shit, babe,” Remy yawned and got up from the table. Remus slid on a green scarf thing and stacked all the things back on the tray.

“Hope the nap helps. Cuddle Virgil for me,” Remus grinned and picked up the tray as he left the room. Remy slid back into bed next to Virgil who was already out of it. Virgil rolled over into Remy when he got in, and he was just high enough that cuddles rocked without being distracted by other stuff. The perfect way to take a nap.

— 🐉 —

“Hey, sleepy nerds,” Remus cooed, patting the bed with his hand. Remy’s eyes were barely open and the first thing he saw was Virgil flipping off Remus. Remy joined him. “Love you too. You both agreed to it, get up. I got you more tea, Rem,” Remus reminded them. Remy groaned and rolled slightly to kiss Virgil’s temple.

“Come on babe, we agreed,” Remy huffed slightly, hating that he wasn’t also fighting back. He needed that tea too much.

“No, it’s warm,” Virgil whined, gripping on to Remy. Remus stuck his hand on Virgil’s neck, and he jumped slightly. “Bitch,” Virgil grumbled. “Just ‘cuz you’re better at it doesn’t mean you can rub it in,” Virgil whined bitterly, pouting at Remus.

“You do it all the time, you just can’t use it when you want to,” Remus looked sourly at Virgil. Virgil shifted to glower at Remus before getting up. Remy sighed as he shifted to get up and stretched as he sat up at the edge of the bed.

“Do you have to get back to work, Ream?” Remy rubbed his face and stood up, stretching again. He was glad his head finally felt better, but he still kind of felt like a trash heap.

“I do. I’ll be back with food and Damien, though,” Remus nodded and pat Remy’s shoulder. “Drink your caffeine and just chill,” Remus smiled and pointed to the mug on the table.

“You’ll catch me up, right?” Virgil asked, sounding concerned.

“Always,” Remus pulled Virgil in for a side hug.

“Bitch, you better not leave without a hug for me,” Remy pouted sourly. He couldn’t hold it for long and laughed when Remus hugged Remy so hard it lifted him off the ground. “See ya, babe,” Remy waved and flopped back down to sit on the bed. Virgil hopped up to sit next to him and leaned against him. They both waved to Remus, who flipped them off as he left the room.

“Are you okay after that hug?” Virgil chuckled and asked quietly.

“Oh, I’m immune to bear maulings,” Remy smirked and leaned against Virgil, too. “I wouldn’t say no to more weed, but if we don’t move too much, I think we’ll be okay,” Remy rubbed Virgil’s back affectionately.

“I missed the radiator for our nap,” Virgil tiredly rubbed his face against Remy’s shoulder.

“We sleep with him every night, babe,” Remy rolled his eyes, but he agreed naps were better with their heater.

“Yeah, ‘cuz he’s cozy-warm. You want me to go grab a laptop for you?” Virgil asked, rubbing his head on Remy’s arm.

“Actually, as weird as this is, you maybe want to go get some fresh air?” Remy rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. He knew how it sounded.

“Are you asking me to go on a romantic walk?” Virgil said teasingly and Remy reached down for a pillow and bopped Virgil on the nose with it.

“I just thought it would help my stomach. More like a sit than a walk,” Remy corrected him. Remy wasn’t sure how much activity he could handle, but fresh air just sounded like a good idea. Remy just got a cooped-up feeling easily now that he finally was somewhere safe. It was a strange way to react to his newfound freedom, but he figured he wouldn’t get out of that situation with no baggage, anyway.

“Sure, love,” Virgil angled up and kissed Remy on the cheek. Virgil got up and went into the bathroom to change out of his pyjamas into his robes. Remy got up and dug around in the dresser for a change of clothes. It was warm out lately, and some linen stuff would probably be a good idea. Remy finished pulling on a fresh shirt when Virgil came out. Virgil slid on his shoes before grabbing his fancy scarf thing and sat on the bed while Remy slowly slid his new leather shoes on.

“Do I have to do the whole consort thing even when I’m sick?” Remy asked tiredly as he made sure his shoes were snugly on.

“Let’s just avoid people. I don’t know for sure. The gazebo is deserted this time of day. It’s not that far of a walk, and it’s out of the way from most of the people coming back from fields and stuff. Prolly should still walk on the right, though, while we’re headed out,” Virgil rolled his eyes.

“These rules are so weird,” Remy huffed and stood up straight, holding out his arm for Virgil to balance.

“They are. They’re not the worst though, it’s just hard to remember the little details,” Virgil exhaled as he also got on his shoes.

“It’s dumb I can’t touch Remus or Damien,” Remy held out his hand and Virgil took it with a small smile. Virgil tapped his foot on the ground to adjust his shoe and they headed out into the hall.

“Everybody has to do that. It’s just a rule so people don’t mess with sight,” Virgil clarified dismissively.

“Yeesh, must have sucked for Da-Lord Damien,” Remy caught himself quickly. No one was in the hall, at least. The titles were stupid too. Damien himself was fantastically cool, though.

“Yeah, poor touch starved bastard. Shame our rooms aren’t connected,” Virgil shook his head in consolation and squeezed Remy’s hand.

“I don’t think we could even fit Mr. Lanky in our combined beds with the three of us,” Remy whispered quietly, amused with the concept.

“Hey, us the previously touch starved gotta support the still suffering. What better way than a four-person dog-pile?” Virgil whispered back with a little snicker.

“I’m pretty certain Remus _himself_ is the cure for touch starvation,” Remy laughed, but it hurt his head a bit.

“Remus thinks bear hugs are probably too much for the poor guy,” Virgil shook his head. “I’ve just been leaning against him while we study and stuff, mostly. A few cat naps here and there. We probably should go slow considering it’s seriously been years since he was touched outside of being lugged to bed while blacked out,” Virgil explained quietly, glancing around the hall.

“Your job is so weird,” Remy huffed quietly as they passed out into another hall.

“Valid,” Virgil squeezed Remy’s hand affectionately. “I love you,” He looked up and offered Remy a small shy smile.

“Love ya too, babe,” Remy smiled back down at Virgil. He was still feeling queasy and unpleasant, but Virgil was here to take care of him, and that made things better. He was looking forward to sitting down already, though, which wasn’t the best sign for him since they weren’t even outside yet. He looked forward to the fresh air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 Warnings: Derogatory Language, Sexual Jokes, Death Ideation Jokes, Sickness, Food, Playful Insults, Drug Use (Marijuana Medicinally), Withdrawal
> 
> Thanks to [Lord Apollo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/midge1/pseuds/midge1) and [Shining Andromeda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Vega_Star/pseuds/The_Vega_Star) for Beta'ing!


	5. Patton - A Sticky Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The non-dragon affiliated boys are _trying_.

Patton exhaled hard, shoving his tray out of the way. Roman didn’t come to lunch again. He shot a look to Logan, who sighed, nodding. They picked up their trays and went to go clear them away. Patton felt like he needed to check on Roman to make sure he was okay. He had been struggling for a while and that was unnerving. They stacked their trays into the assigned area and Logan looked up at the big clock in the cafeteria. 

“We have thirty minutes. The weather is too hot, so he is not likely to be sitting outdoors,” Logan said, pulling up his hand to tap curiously on his chin. “I doubt he is in the library. Those are the only two places we are allowed to go during lunch, so we must assume he’s somewhere he shouldn’t be,” He concluded and looked at Patton. Logan already knew Patton wanted to find Roman without Patton having to ask. He was either wearing his heart more on his sleeve more than usual, or Logan was more observant than Patton had given him credit for. 

“Actually, some extracurriculars allow you in their rooms during lunch. I don’t use lunch to practice, my friends in my section go to practice hall at lunch all the time,” Patton told him, happy to feel helpful. 

“Ah. Is that true for dance and theatre?” Logan looked hopefully to Patton, eyeing the extracurriculars hall. 

“I think so. The dance room is basically a big square with changing rooms, so if he’s trying to hide, he’d probably go to the theatre. Or maybe the band hall for the practice rooms. Teachers pay little attention as long as it’s just one student in the rooms,” Patton started walking towards the extracurriculars hall since that seemed to be where this conversation was going and they had limited time. Logan followed behind him promptly. 

“I think theatre is a safer assumption. Perhaps it’s comforting,” Logan suggested, nervously gripping the bottom hem of his shirt with one hand while his expression remained mostly impassive. 

“He didn’t try out for any roles this semester, remember? I don’t know if it’s that comforting. It seems to be a sore subject for him,” Patton shook his head, a frustrated frown plastered on his face. 

“To be fair, _most things_ are a sore subject for him right now. He has been very… tetchy lately,” Logan responded quietly as if he was keeping it a secret. “I’ve never been to the theatre classroom, just the actual theatre. Do you know which door it is?” Logan inquired as he picked up the pace. 

“It’s next to the band hall since they share the auditorium. The arts halls have the doors labeled, so you just have to check the door placard,” Patton pointed the direction they should go towards and hurried up to keep up with Logan, whose walking pace was just slow enough not to be considered running in the halls.

“If they could label the arts hall why could they not label the academic hall?” Logan rolled his eyes and loosened up on his shirt. Patton rushed to get in front of Logan to open the door to the theatre classroom. Arts never had classes during lunch periods, so it was empty other than two students practicing on the smaller stage who didn’t acknowledge their entrance. Patton swerved into the section with the dressing rooms first, motioning for Logan to follow. 

Logan scanned the boy’s dressing room quickly, checking in corners and behind piles of things. They examined the room together. Patton checked under the counter and in the big costume closet. Logan shook his head to Patton when he reemerged from the closet and they ducked back out. Patton and Logan considered the women’s changing room, but both decided he wouldn’t do that with a small grimace on Patton’s part, moving on to the storage room. There was much more to check in here due to all the potential hidey-holes. Patton veered right and Logan turned left, so Patton figured they would just split the room again. 

Patton looked next to stacks of boxes, in creepy closets of costumes, under hollow plywood set pieces, and behind backgrounds in the theatre storage. It was dusty and dim in here, and Patton just didn’t think it would be like Roman to want to spend time in here. The lights were on a motion sensor and Roman was afraid of the dark. While he was less scared of spiders than Patton was, he didn’t exactly go out of his way to hang out with them. There were lots of webs in here, along with the dust. It wasn’t a place Patton could see Roman spending lots of time. Patton saw a spider while leaning over a stack of chairs to check for a hidey-hole and shrieked when one nearly got on his hand. 

“Patton! Are you alright?” Logan rushed up, examining Patton wildly and taking his hand to look at it. 

“Yup, a creepy-crawly spooked me. Sorry, Logan,” Patton said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. Logan blinked at Patton in confusion for a moment and cleared his throat. 

“Ah, that’s… I’m glad you’re okay. He doesn’t seem to be in here, either,” Logan sighed, squeezing his arm nervously. 

“The last room that isn’t the theatre itself is the teacher’s office, and I think Roman said they keep that one locked,” Patton motioned with his head towards the door. 

“Hm, I don’t think he’d willingly be near an authority figure right now, either way. It’s just the actual theatre itself left and that could take ages to check with the lights off,” Logan hummed in dissatisfaction, pulling his mouth to one side while he considered it. 

“They keep that locked, too. Kids kept trying to… uh… find somewhere… ‘private’ in there during school hours. They decided to lock it rather than hiring another guard,” Patton grimaced awkwardly, wringing his hands. 

“Well, that _is_ what Roman is looking for,” Logan rubbed his chin contemplatively and Patton sputtered with his eyes wide. 

“No!” Patton shot. “No, I mean, uh… _couples_ do,” Patton whispered, trying to explain. “To… y’know…” Patton trailed off weakly. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have. 

“I don’t know. But we are running out of time. Shall we check the practice rooms in the band hall, then?” Logan suggested, and Patton was so incredibly thankful for the change of subject. 

“Oh, yeah!” Patton nodded hopefully and Logan turned to head towards the exit. “No, this way. There’s a hall that connects to the band hall in here. It’s the hall they share with the auditorium, through the dressing room,” Patton pulled Logan back into the men’s dressing room and to the door in question. It opened up into a wide hallway with double doors on one end and a staircase on the other. 

“Wait, what is up those stairs?” Logan pulled back on Patton’s hand and pointed to the staircase. 

“I think it goes up to the access for the technical booth and catwalk, I haven’t been up there,” Patton responded quietly. He was pretty sure they weren’t supposed to linger in this hall and didn’t want to get in trouble. 

Logan turned away from Patton and headed towards the stairs instead. He must have wanted to double-check. Logan ascended the steps silently, looking suspicious as he moved. Patton lowered his body and tried to walk silently, too. They turned the corner at the top of the stairs Roman’s red Converse sticking out from behind the water fountains. Patton and Logan hurried over to him, sliding down the wall next to him, but with their feet pulled up and out of sight. 

“Roman, why are you hiding up here?” Logan whispered quietly, leaning forward to look at him past Patton.

“Nobody comes in here during lunch, it’s fine as long as we’re not loud,” Roman spoke at normal volume and shrugged as rolled his head on the wall to face them. 

“Why didn’t you come to lunch?” Patton asked sadly, putting his hand on Roman’s knee. Roman shook Patton’s hand off with a twitch and scooted more against the fountains to give himself room. Patton was hurt by being rebuffed by that, but he tried not to show it and bit the inside of his lip.

“Wasn’t hungry,” Roman mumbled, turning his head back to his phone propped up on one knee. Patton sat stiffly and wrapped his arms around his knees. 

“You still should eat, Roman. A lack of food can adversely affect your focus and retention of information,” Logan alerted him and Patton softened a little. It was always like Logan to have good reasons to do the right thing. 

“I can’t really focus in the latter half of the day, anyway,” Roman shrugged, popping some gum loudly. Welp. _Apparently_ , smart reasons were not that helpful. Patton sighed, and he felt his shoulders tense again. He had to resist glowering at Roman for acting like a jerk and just tried to clench and unclench his jaw.

“It’s not good for your _health_ , either,” Patton pointed out weakly. He already knew Roman was aware of this and didn’t think it would work, but he felt as if he had to try. 

“Whatever,” Roman shrugged, not taking his eyes off his phone for even a glance at his friends. Patton huffed and looked to the ceiling, trying to keep his cool. 

“Then we would have enjoyed your company at lunch,” Logan said pointedly, and Patton nodded vehemently in agreement. 

“Don’t care,” Roman popped another bubble of his gum and chewed obnoxiously, making Logan cringe. 

“Roman, we’re worried about you,” Patton hissed angrily.

“That’s a ‘ _you’_ problem, not a ‘ _me’_ problem,” Roman replied glibly and Patton bristled, getting even more upset. He was sick of being treated like this by Roman. Logan put his hand on Patton’s shoulders and looked sad, shaking his head. Patton slumped his head against his knees. This was so frustrating. “What do you want?” He asked shortly, still not even sparing a glance for their distress.

“We _want_ our friend back!” Patton shot, unable to stop himself. Logan pulled back in surprise, looking desperately to Roman. “Cut it out! Stop wallowing all alone and let us _support_ you! You’re not the only one hurting and you know isolating isn’t safe behaviour!” Patton put his hand more forcefully on Roman’s knee. Roman shoved it off with his hand and glared at Patton. 

Roman chewed twice with a hateful look before standing up silently and walking off as he shoved his hands deep in his pockets. There was dust on the back of Roman’s windbreaker from the corner. Logan hurried to get up, but Roman shot a death glare over his shoulder before turning to descend the staircase. Patton gripped his legs and shook angrily, fighting back tears. His entire body trembled with anger and he felt absolutely lost. 

“… Patton?” Logan asked weakly, sounding scared. 

“I’m so _sick_ of this, Logan,” Patton muttered into his knees. “This is… it’s completely f-f-fucked up,” Patton stammered, squeezing his eyes shut tight. “Why won’t he talk to us? Why does he insist on being a jerk? We did nothing wrong!” Patton rambled out rhetorical questions he knew would stress Logan out because he couldn’t answer them, but he just couldn’t stop the word vomit coming out of his mouth. “He treats us like we’re part of the problem when we’re just trying to _help_ him!” Patton nearly growled in anger as he tapped his head on his knees. “Why is nothing working? Am I not good enough of a friend?” A tear slipped out of Patton’s eyes against his will, and he wiped it off right away to hide it.

“You are an exemplary friend. He… is in the anger stage, perhaps. Or is having a bad day,” Logan sat down next to Patton and hugged his legs loosely with his arms. 

“You don’t have to make _excuses_ for him, Lo. He _knows_ he’s being mean. He apologized for it last week. And then I guess immediately forgot he hurt us because here he goes _again_ ,” Patton replied bitterly, shaking his head another time. He reached up with both hands and rubbed his head angrily. 

“Patton, as much as I hate to say this, we are running out of time. I think it would be ideal to pick this up after class resumes and change subjects to calm down,” Logan suggested, tentatively putting his hand on Patton’s arm to pull it off his head. Patton sighed, dropping his arms and collapsing to the hall. 

“Fine,” Patton grumbled sullenly. That sounded reasonable, as much as he hated it. 

“Good. What-” Logan looked relieved and tried to start talking about something. But, as it turned out, Patton _didn’t_ have it in him to be reasonable. 

“No! It’s not fine!” Burst out of Patton suddenly, causing Logan to tumble back on his hands in shock. “You’re fine. Sorry. _I’m_ being a b-hole, too,” Patton muttered, rubbing his face. “I mean… I’m going home. I can’t do this today. I can give you a ride if you want to come with me,” Patton told him with a pitiful expression. Logan’s surprise melted into concern. “We could… go swimming or something,” He tried to make a fun suggestion for them, but it came out weakly. 

“I cannot. I’m not allowed to leave school unless I have a fever,” Logan shook his head sadly. “If my parents let me, perhaps I could join you after school,” He added, sounding unsure and still upset. 

“I’m really sorry, Lo,” Patton pulled Logan in for a side hug. “I’m not acting much better than Roman is. I’m being a giant hypocrite,” He sighed and closed his eyes. 

“I think that might be false equivalence,” Logan shook his head with a firm expression. 

“Well, it’s _similar_ ,” Patton replied with a sour taste on his tongue. “I know he’s not in a good place and… I need to be careful not to join him there. And _you_ don’t need people being mean to you on two fronts, either,” He squeezed Logan’s shoulder and reached into his pants to pull out his phone to check the time. “Talk to me, okay? I just need some time to decompress, but I’ll still text back,” Patton looked weakly to Logan. 

“I’ll be _fine_ , Patton,” Logan’s reply was skirting curtly, and Patton could tell Logan was annoyed with the situation despite the stoic expression on his face. 

“Promise me,” Patton demanded firmly, giving Logan an intense look. This was important to him. 

“Yes, I will text you,” Logan huffed, moving to get up off the floor. Patton sighed in relief. Logan said he needed a calming subject, right? 

“Do you want to watch Stargate this weekend? My mom mentioned your parents were going on a date on Saturday, so they’ll probably let you stay out late with me again,” Patton hoped that would cheer him up at least a little. He squeezed Logan’s shoulder affectionately. 

“I would like that, yes. Could you procure more of those marshmallow and chocolate cookies? I am aware they are terrible for you, but I keep thinking about them,” Logan requested, sounding much less annoyed than before as he patted the dust off of his jeans. 

“I don’t think it’d hurt as long as we don’t eat too many,” Patton smiled at Logan. He was glad to give Logan something to look forward to. “I’ll go buy them on the way home. And some more popcorn. Roman might realize he’s being a butt again and want to join us,” He added hopefully. 

“After he _apologizes_ ,” Logan paused to glare at the staircase. 

“Yeah,” Patton sighed and slipped his phone back in his pocket to get up from the floor. “I’m fine with it just being us. I just don’t like leaving him alone on the weekends,” He glanced to the staircase mournfully. 

“He has party friends to make sure he doesn’t get alcohol poisoning, Patton,” Logan responded darkly and crossed his arms. 

“I guess that’s true,” Patton climbed off the floor and patted off the dust from the back of his shorts. “Spin,” Patton twisted his finger in the air. Logan spun and Patton shook the rest of the dust off of Logan’s clothes and turned around for Logan to do the same. “Text me even if you can come after school, okay? I don’t want to wallow either, and knowing you’re going to text will help me stay focused,” Patton asked, putting his hand on Logan’s upper arm. Logan looked down at the arm with concern for a moment before nodding to Patton. 

“I will. Please drive safely. You will have to hurry, they’re going to close the gate to the student parking soon,” Logan told him, reaching up to Patton’s arm. 

“Oh, shoot,” Patton grumbled, looking at the time. “Bye, Lo,” Patton waved and rushed down the staircase. The arts building was next to the student parking, luckily, so he’d be able to make it as long as he hurried.

—🐉 —

Patton laid out like a starfish on his bed and stared at the ceiling despondently. Keeping himself from wallowing was hard. It was all he wanted to do. He tried to watch TV or read or play video games or literally anything at his disposal, and he lost interest in all of them within thirty minutes. He considered being productive and doing his homework or practicing the flute, but when he tried to move to do either he couldn’t muster up enough willpower to even get up to try. He needed a self-care day, today, anyway. But he also couldn’t bring himself to go do nice things for himself, either. He could barely come up with anything

Pushing yourself to do things that were good for you when you wanted to feel like garbage was important, though. Swimming with Logan would be good for him. He already wrestled out of his binder to give his ribs room. So he could be proud of being on the right track, even if he couldn’t move this second. Maybe he’d make rice and marshmallow treats. Logan seemed to really like marshmallows and Patton always found them comforting even if they were a sticky mess. 

As good as that all sounded, he still couldn’t bring himself to move. Patton sighed and continued his staring contest with the ceiling. It was so much easier to force himself to take care of himself when there was someone else around to do it for. When it was just him and his thoughts, he wasn’t very effective at following through even if he could manage to come up with something to do. He hoped he never had to live alone. Patton’s life would probably reduce to a flaming garbage fire if there was no one around to keep him honest. 

There was a knock at Patton’s bedroom door. He blinked in surprise and looked up to the clock. Huh. Time is weird when you’re in a pity pit. He didn’t realize how long it had been of nothing but agonizing while he stared at the ceiling. “Baby, the school called and said you didn’t show up for your afternoon classes. Are you okay?” His mom asked through the door. 

“No,” Patton called back, crossing his arms protectively over himself. He couldn’t pull his eyes off the ceiling, still. 

“Can I come in?” She sounded concerned even muffled by the door. 

“Yeah,” Patton’s voice cracked a bit as he shouted back. 

“Oh, darling,” She frowned and came to sit on the bed, putting her hand on Patton’s arm over his chest. “Do you want to talk to me about it?” Her voice was leaden with worry. 

“It’s just… hard,” Patton exhaled roughly, trying to focus. 

“Is this about those boys who disappeared again?” She asked sadly, rubbing her thumb on his arm. 

“Yeah. Roman’s still not taking it well and he’s being a jerk again,” Patton huffed sullenly. “Then I was a jerk. I don’t want to be a jerk,” He added under his breath. 

“I’m glad you are taking care of yourself… but, well, I get in trouble along with you when you go home without getting checked out. It’s not something I want happening again,” She shook her head sadly. 

“Sorry, mom,” Patton frowned, feeling his throat tighten. 

“No, hon, if you de-escalated a dangerous mood then it was worth it. I’m just worried if we let this go any further, a one-off thing might become more commonplace,” His mom rubbed his arm affectionately. 

“I didn’t track Roman down to yell at him more, but I don’t think I feel much better,” Patton replied quietly, feeling lousy for getting his mom in trouble.

“I know it’s difficult to watch your friends hurt themselves. If you needed space from that, I still understand cutting school early. Do you want me to make a special appointment with your therapist tomorrow?” His mom smiled reassuringly at him and his eyes got hot and he was scared he’d start crying again. 

“Please,” Patton sniffled and reached up to rub his burning eyes with one hand.

“I don’t suppose you need a hug?” Patton pinched his lips tight and nodded, slowly sitting up. “Come here, baby,” She said gently and held open her arms. Patton dropped into them sorrowfully and his mother softly stroked his back while he got choked up. He had no idea where he’d be without his mom. “I’m here for you, honey,” She reminded him just barely above a whisper and that was the last straw before a tear ran down his face and the dam broke open. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 Warnings:  
> School, Missing Friend, Allusions to Inappropriate Public Behaviours, Arguing, Anger, Lashing Out, Depression, Emotional Breakdown, Food, Mild Parental Disappointment, Crying, Internalized Toxic Masculinity
> 
> A Million thanks to **[Cinder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssenkradisacoolnameithink/profile), [Jamie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/midge1/pseuds/midge1), and [Vesper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Vega_Star/pseuds/The_Vega_Star) for Beta'ing!**
> 
> **  
>  **
> 
> look, the only parent in this series with rights!


	6. Remy - Pushing Buttons

Remy wanted fucking coffee. He wanted _the hell_ out of coffee. He was so tired from stupid fucking leatherworking all day and he would like to have fun at the party-thing tonight with his friends but he was too pissy about his lack of bean juice. He collapsed back on the reading chair in their room and huffed angrily, kicking off his shoes and glowered out the window. Stupid nature not supplying the beans. He leaned over and picked up his shoes to throw them across the room in frustration.

He stank from the shit he did today. Fucking lack of a water heater so he had to wait until after dinner to take a shower. Stupid natural deodorant that can’t match the heat in that fucking stone shed he worked in. Stupid disgusting de-hairing process. Remy groaned loudly in frustration and got up to punch the pillow on the bed angrily. He wailed on the pillow and grimaced as he worked out his frustrations on it.

“Does it owe you money?” Damien cooed and Remy jumped in surprise, stumbling back.

“Fuck, _D_ , I didn’t hear you come in,” Remy gasped and gripped his chest with wide eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Damien asked kindly.

“I want some fucking coffee and there’s no fucking coffee here! What kind of shit-hole doesn’t have coffee, honestly?” Remy shot angrily, flailing out his arm. Damien looked taken aback, and he realized he was yelling. “Fuck, sorry… I don’t mean that. Well, maybe a little. I… I don’t feel cut out for this,” Remy’s shoulders slumped and he dropped to the bed to rub his face. Damien sat down next to him and put his hands on his knees.

“I’ll try not to take it personally,” Damien nodded and looked decently not upset for someone Remy just yelled at. Remy ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “I can listen if you want to vent,” Damien offered off-handedly.

“You were _born_ here, I don’t think you’d get it,” Remy grumbled, dismissing him and waving his hand as he looked away.

“I don’t have to _get it_ to listen to you vent,” Damien said airily. “I’m already aware you won’t talk to Virgil or Remus about it because you don’t want to scare them, so I’m in a unique position to help as a friend that is good at keeping secrets,” He pointed out and Remy shot Damien a look. He hit the nail on the head. He didn’t want to concern Virgil or Remus. They liked it here. Remy didn’t intend to leave them or scare them into thinking he wanted to leave.

“I want to _not_ know what brain and skin soup smells like,” Remy mumbled bitterly.

“Ah, I can relate to that. It’s not a scent you forget,” Damien sighed and shook his head. “I am not attempting to fix, only reminding you that Hartley is a good man, and he’s happy to give you a break if you want one,” He said pointedly.

“That’s not the _point_! I like the part after it’s smoked. Well, I don’t mind the stretching. Making stuff is chill, I like turning the leather into art. It’s just all hard. There’s so much effort in all of this. I can’t just get cold water, I have to go to the pump. I have to wait to take a shower. There’s no fucking A/C and if I’m not in the sanctuary, it’s hot as fuck. Why is this building cooler, anyway?” Remy sidetracked from his irate grievances, clenching his fist in his lap.

“It’s well insulated from the sun with the stone and the shade, but we go through and re-direct energy a bit to cool it down. Some wind spirits here and there. Most of the heavy lifting is done by the masonry, we can’t make much of a difference ourselves,” Damien explained, gesturing a flowing motion.

“I will never understand the extent of ‘sweet dragon magic’ and that also annoys me,” Remy shook his head despondently. “I barely know the things you guys do,” He added, flopping his hand weakly in Damien’s direction.

“Ah! Well, I can explain that. I’m sorry, I assumed Virgil would have told you,” Damien shook his head apologetically.

“No, we don’t talk about that stuff. We argued about _Power Rangers_ for an hour yesterday,” Remy chuckled adoringly through his nose.

“A very _worthwhile_ discussion, I’m sure,” Damien smirked sarcastically at Remy.

“You smarmy fuck,” Remy narrowed his eyes at him. Damien continued to not take it personally, he looked pleased despite being directly insulted.

“We see events and messages and make adjustments as requested. There’s some spirit work involved, too. There are lots of different ways to apply it, but we mostly use it to keep the compound running smoothly. Look out for problems, make adjustments, scheduling, logistics, those kinds of things. Secondary to that, barring days with rituals, we see what the dragons would like in return. Aside from that, Virgil often walks around and finds risks to belay and keeps us up on the weather. Remus finds issues with the spirits. He’s capable of having lots of visions in a day to do so. I check on the progress of the initiates and work with people,” Damien explained.

“So… it’s all up in the air most of the time, then,” Remy deadpanned in annoyance.

“Well, yes. We work depending on what we need. We fill in for labour gaps, too. I know that isn’t particularly comforting,” Damien replied somewhat sheepishly.

“Yeah, I still really don’t get what all you do,” Remy shook his head. “I also still want coffee and I’m not a fan of leather before it’s leather,” He added sourly, still feeling pissed.

“You mean _skin_ ,” Damien corrected him, grinning knowingly.

“Eugh!” Remy stuck out his tongue in disgust and shivered involuntarily, sitting back up on the bed.

“Remus probably would be, he’s helped them butcher animals in the past,” Damien laughed hollowly. “I do not understand what his bizarre fascination is. He has a surprising repertoire of knowledge in the unpleasant that is both very helpful and _disconcerting_ ,” He drooped a small sigh.

“He’s fun like that,” Remy sighed. There wasn’t a boring moment with him, that’s for sure.

“Are you unhappy here?” Damien asked sullenly, looking to Remy with concern.

“What? No. I just…” Remy trailed off, trying to figure out what he meant. “Sometimes I want a shitty chain coffee, a deodorant that works, and my phone, y’know?” Remy grumbled and rubbed his hands together as he slouched at the edge of the bed.

“Ah. I think that’s understandable,” Damien nodded and leaned toward Remy. “You miss comforting things from your old life. You haven’t found something that makes this place feel more like home yet,” He nodded sagely.

“No, this is my home,” Remy instantly objected to what Damien said.

“ _Virgil_ and _Remus_ are home,” Damien held up his finger as he corrected him. He wrapped his arm around Remy’s shoulders consolingly, giving a single squeeze.

“Okay, _maybe_ ,” Remy grumbled. He didn’t like how easily Damien seemed to pin him. “What do you like about this place?” He asked. Maybe if he understood this place better it would help.

“The community, the most. The smell of the air at the sites, I find it amazing that they all have different scents. I sometimes ride the horses for fun. Communicating with dragons is very fulfilling... I enjoy feeling that I matter,” Damien explained, wringing his hands slightly.

“What do you hate?” Remy continued, feeling weird, still.

“Hm?” Damien shot his head up, looking completely blindsided.

“I won’t tell anybody. It’ll make me feel better if it’s not _just_ me who has things they don’t like,” Remy explained hopefully. He also wouldn’t mind dirt on Damien, but that was a bonus.

“I _also_ wish there was hot water at more times of the day. I am not on the compound’s schedule and it can be frustrating to wait until after dinner to bathe. We had to pick a time before bed that everyone could make it to and the kitchen can’t do it any other time,” Damien groaned loudly and grimaced. “I also don’t like how sometimes people are afraid to make decisions without me. It’s stressful to have to field so many things. It is one thing if the change will affect lots of people, but sometimes they ask for such _trivial_ things I want to scream,” Damien ranted disdainfully and tossed his other arm in frustration as he spoke. “Ahem, I apologize,” He coughed and regained his composure.

“No, no, seeing you lose it was comforting,” Remy laughed a little, feeling more light-hearted. “I thought your only button to push was memeing too hard,” He grinned playfully.

“Speaking of,” Damien sighed and held out his arm, motioning towards the door. Remy looked at him in confusion for a few seconds until Remus and Virgil came in, looking drained. “How was the practice with spirit communion?” He asked them, dropping his arm.

“We _vibed_ so hard,” Remus grinned impishly, looking right to Damien.

“For fuck’s sake, stop calling it that,” Damien dropped his head in defeat and slumped.

“Remy!” Virgil shouted excitedly and ran up to him, pulling him into an embrace right away, which was an awkward angle on the bed, not that it deterred Virgil.

“Babe, I _stink_ ,” Remy warned him.

“I don’t care, I missed you,” Virgil almost purred, rubbing against his chest. Remus reached behind Virgil’s hood and pulled off his stole, and Virgil took that opportunity to tackle Remy over with affection.

“That was cool, D,” Remy said reverently, appreciating being knocked over by his feral partner.

“I can only find _their_ specific location like that,” Damien shook his head, still looking unamused.

“It was still neat, babe,” Remy insisted while Virgil affectionately nestled into him.

“Oh, did he do the tracking thing? He taught us how to do it by playing hide and seek. It was fun,” Remus grinned playfully. “Can we practice soon?” Remus didn’t look as tired anymore. He appeared to gain power by harassing Damien.

“Remus _cheats_!” Virgil blurted out, pointing at Remus while he snuggled Remy.

“That’s the _point_!” Remus shot back, narrowing his eyes at Virgil.

“You act like freaking _children_ sometimes,” Damien rubbed his forehead, his expression deeply annoyed. “Why are you my best friends again?” He asked tiredly.

“See, we can find him by looking for his _vibes_ ,” Virgil said teasingly and Damien growled in frustration.

“I would _also_ like to add that I hate them,” Damien motioned to Remus and Virgil with an expression like he just licked straight citric acid.

“Aw, no you don’t. You’re our favourite noodle,” Remus said affectionately and blew a kiss to Damien, who grumbled under his breath.

“I hate that nickname, too,” Damien exhaled in exhaustion and glared at Virgil.

“Hey, _delirious Virgil_ came up with it, it’s not my fault!” Virgil objected, pouting out his lower lip.

“ _You_ are delirious Virgil,” Damien narrowed his eyes at Virgil and crossed his arms.

“I continue to take no responsibility for what I did while I was any kind of out-of-it,” Virgil reaffirmed proudly, nodding to himself.

“That’s the spirit, baby,” Remy laughed and reached up to rub Virgil’s head. He melted against Remy rapidly, and it was so damn satisfying that he was capable of doing that to Virgil.

“Remy is feeling dispirited, Virgil. How about you head out this evening on a walk? The fireflies can lift anyone’s mood,” Damien suggested, sounding less annoyed already. As much as he protested, he really loved them.

“You just want me out of your hair,” Virgil giggled maliciously.

“It’s a win-win scenario,” Damien said flippantly, his face plastered with that expression that only Virgil and Remus were capable of inciting with their nonsense. Remy knew Damien loved them for their nonsense, though. Remy couldn’t read vibes, but Damien gravitated towards them all the time. Damien could spend time with anybody on the compound, and he was almost always with them.

“The fireflies are already out if you want to go on a walk now. It’s a little muggy, you might not want to go back out after hygiene,” Remus informed them and adjusted non-existent glasses on his face, holding one arm behind his back.

“Would you consider taking Remus?” Damien rolled his eyes and brushed his dark curls out of his face.

“Nope!” Virgil beamed, getting up off of Remy and pulling him off the bed.

“I’ll stop teasing you, D,” Remus huffed. “I wanna whittle and listen to the cicadas try to get laid,” Remus said, heading over to the dresser to grab the dragon he’d been working on. “Can I work on the ritual pavilion? I can see the fireflies from there, too,” He glanced at Damien.

“Yes. I’ll join you, then. That sounds delightful,” Damien looked genuinely interested and relieved.

“I might pipe up with random thoughts,” Remus gave him a fair heads-up.

“That’s fine, they’re usually interesting,” Damien sighed contentedly, getting up off the bed. Virgil headed over to where they hung to the stoles to slip it back on.

“Let’s go up to the wind site, Remy! You can see the fireflies all over the meadow. We can take Shadow Bender to the hill like a dumb romance novel,” Virgil suggested cheerily, only a little sarcastic at the end. It sounded… kind of amazing. Remus chucked Remy’s shoes back at him to slip back on.

“Yeah,” Remy responded breathlessly. He slid on his shoes while the others grabbed their things and got up to follow Virgil.

“Remy?” Damien called after him as Virgil put his hand on the door. They both turned to look to Damien, who joined them in the doorway with a book. “For what it’s worth, I appreciate your work and I think you fit in well. I also enjoy your company,” He said kindly, pulling Remy in for another hug. Remy had no idea how to process this. He blinked a few times in confusion.

“You just like that his hobbies don’t include harassing you,” Remus responded playfully, adjusting Damien’s stole from behind.

“That is a _bonus_ , yes,” Damien smirked and pat Remy’s back. He nodded to Virgil, who opened the door to head into the hallway to go outdoors. Remy shifted to make sure he was walking in the proper position, and Virgil clung to Remy’s arm in the hall. He was still a little shell-shocked from the sudden sincere compliment amidst all the sass.

They separated with waves as they left out the front of the sanctuary in a group. Remus had his carving tools and Damien had one of those leather-bound journals. He didn’t know how Damien intended to read after the sunset, but maybe starting fires in the torches at the pavilion was part of ‘sweet dragon magic’.

Virgil held his hand happily as they walked, leaning against Remy sometimes as they followed the path out to the stables. Virgil checked the map to make sure they were going in the right direction at a split, but they mostly walked in happy silence. Remy had trouble continuing to fume with Virgil acting like Remy lit up his whole world right next to him. It was also nice out. The grass and flowers all carried in the breeze, and he smelled something sweet on the wind, too. There wasn’t much breeze, but the heat of the day had mostly dissipated. Remus was right about the mugginess, but Remy already felt gross, so it wasn’t a deal-breaker.

They walked into the barn’s side door and Virgil let go of Remy’s hand to rush up to his favourite horse’s stall. Shadow Bender walked right up to the stall door and looked at Virgil expectantly, and Virgil reached up on his toes to pet his neck before entering the stall. Remy stood in the hall to watch since he had absolutely no clue what was happening.

“Hey,” Virgil cooed, throwing a quilt over the horse’s back after shaking it off. Remy looked around the stables. The horses here were all in pristine condition. And it was so clean and there was no scent of horse shit. They must have just finished mucking out or something? He didn’t understand all this horse stuff. But all the gear and blankets were clean and organized in the stalls. “Can you help me with the saddle, Remy?” Virgil asked and shook him from admiring the barn.

“Yeah, of course, babe,” Remy said and helped Virgil lift it onto the horse. He held it in place as Virgil showed him while Virgil adjusted the straps. Virgil took the horse’s neck and led it over to an area he could step up on to mount the horse. “Doesn’t it need one of those head thingies?” Remy asked, looking around for one.

“These horses are all trained for bridleless riding, don’t worry,” Virgil shook his head. “Come on, mount behind me,” He patted the giant saddle as he gripped the quilt with one hand. Remy stepped up and threw his leg over nervously, slipping his feet into the stirrups. “Grip with your thighs and hold on to me,” Virgil smiled back to him and shifted his hand. The horse started out of the open stall and through the barn entrance.

“How do you know how to do all this stuff?” Remy asked incredulously.

“Shadow taught me,” Virgil cooed sweetly to the horse.

“You’re _kidding_ ,” Remy deadpanned.

“Some animals can be vibed with, I don’t get how it works,” Virgil shrugged lightly as the horse picked up the pace and headed toward the hill the wind site was at. “I can only do it at night, too. There’s a cat in the library that makes fun of the books you choose even though it can’t read, it’s strange,” He chuckled, sounding amused.

“No weirder than communicating with it in the first place,” Remy huffed in exasperation. “This looked much easier in movies,” He added, grunting from the discomfort.

“Damien can ride bareback when the horse is running! Can you imagine the thigh strength that requires? He could probably crush someone’s skull,” Virgil snickered with grim humour.

“Holy shit, he can? I have no idea how I’d stay upright without the stirrups. He’s… so fucking cool. Like, damn,” Remy hummed, holding on to Virgil and looking out at the meadow. They passed spots of fireflies, and the crunching of the grass under the horse’s hooves was a soothing sound.

“He is. But we should be talking about how awesome _you_ are,” Virgil looked up to Remy and smiled down at him. “Like how stunning you are with your hair blowing in the breeze and how dazzling that smile is and how you work hard and how you’re getting buff and your arms-” Virgil rambled off compliments.

“Babe, you’re fucking killing me,” Remy’s face hurt he was blushing so hard.

“You deserve all the death by compliments,” Virgil pressed his head back and nestled his face into Remy’s chest for a moment with a loving smile.

“You’re such a little shit,” Remy narrowed his eyes at Virgil, but Virgil couldn’t see his faux-scorn, so he gave up and returned to soaking in the sights.

Remy always liked those clean-lined industrial looks, but the organic treeline and the dark green grass that surrounded them was growing on him. Maybe liking nature more was from Virgil ranting about plants, or maybe he felt safe here, he wasn’t sure. He never thought he’d be a ‘nature' person. He saw the hill cresting already. This horse got moving like nobody’s business.

Virgil jumped down with ease. Remy was fine with this height, but he had trouble getting out of the stirrups for a moment before he could jump down with him. Virgil took his hand and smiled, already heading up the hill.

“Shouldn’t you, I dunno, put Shadow Bender on a post or something?” Remy asked, motioning to the horse that was already walking off and grazing on the lush grass out here.

“I can call him to me,” Virgil shrugged, looking pleased with himself. “Let’s go, you’ll love the view,” He urged Remy forward. Remy shook his head affectionately and followed Virgil up. Remy needed to figure out how to stop being baffled by all this shit. His brain refused to settle on anything feeling shitty, so at least getting back on track was easy.

“Hey, V? Do you ever miss anything from your old life?” Remy asked as he watched the grass crunch at his feet as he climbed.

“Oh, sure. My music, endless access to the internet, picking up new books whenever, hot showers-” Virgil started rambling off a list.

“You can take hot showers,” Remy snickered at Virgil’s stubbornness.

“Over my dead body,” Virgil hissed. “I miss picking out cakes at the grocery store with Ream and watching TV on the couch with you. I miss playing with water balloons and shooting Ream’s BB gun at cans. Also, when we would go to the city library together for school projects and completely _fail_ to do them because of a book about dinosaurs or something,” He went on without missing a beat. “There're tons of stuff I miss. Why?” He asked, squeezing Remy’s hand.

“I’m feeling homesick, in a weird way. Not for my dad’s house or anything. Do you miss anyone? I have to admit I kind of miss Roman, Patton, and Logan. They weren’t that bad,” Remy sighed wistfully. “I know I was just a pity project and all, but they were fun,” He shook his head lightly as they trudged up the hill.

“I miss Logan. I always wished we could have done more together, but he never did. He either doesn’t care or is pissed at me for running off without a word, if I had to guess,” Virgil slumped sullenly.

“He seemed to enjoy trying to search for you,” Remy shrugged. He didn’t have the answer to that. “We didn’t talk much, he mostly checked in on me,” He explained a little sheepishly. Virgil looked resigned either way.

“Yeah…” Virgil seemed melancholy. “I suppose it doesn’t matter, now. Whatever,” Virgil sped up and propelled Remy faster up the hill, then turning and dropping down at the edge of the platform at the top of the hill with his feet hanging into the grass. “Check it out,” Virgil pointed, and Remy sat down next to him.

“Wow,” Remy breathed. Virgil nestled himself under Remy’s arm while he looked at the sea of fireflies dancing around in the meadow in tiny specs of light. He thought he’d seen a lot on the way out here, but no. There were plenty at the base of the hill, and they spread across the whole area in swarms that flickered enchantingly.

Remy wrapped up Virgil in his arm and leaned against him with a cheerful hum in his throat. Virgil angled up to kiss him, and Remy was happy to return the gesture. He almost forgot all the things he had to look forward to, today. He just got the best possible reminder. Everything was a mixed bag, but only looking at the bad bits was a guaranteed way to piss yourself off. He had to enjoy the good bits while they were there. Virgil’s eyes seemed to glow in the moonlight. They were supposed to be looking at the fireflies, but another kiss wouldn’t hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 Warnings:  
> Anger, Yelling, Sassing/Sarcasm, Food Mention, Body Parts Mention(Leatherworking), Horses, Bugs(Fireflies), Weapons Mention, Death Mention (facetiously), Insults.
> 
> A Million thanks to **[Cinder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssenkradisacoolnameithink/profile) and [Jamie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/midge1/pseuds/midge1)! for Beta'ing!**


	7. Roman - A Little Invasion of Privacy Never Hurt Anybody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman figures some stuff out.

Roman laid back in his bed with a despondent sigh. He watched the tablet screen power down with a scowl, unsure of what to do. He was too tipsy to go out into the living room and get caught smelling of alcohol on a school night. He was also too bored to just sit on his bed and do nothing. He realized the last time he went into Remus’s room he saw his tablet still on the charger. Roman stumbled off the bed and held his head for a moment. Maybe he needed some water, too. 

After filling up two water bottles hastily in the kitchen, Roman ducked into Remus’s room and flipped on the switch, closing the door behind him. He put the waters on the desk and sat down on Remus’s loveseat, throwing his feet up on the other arm and leaning back to take the tablet off the charger. Remus never took this out of the house and didn’t bother locking it, so all he had to do was turn on the screen. Roman was thankful that Remus abandoned it here. He needed to buy one of those extra-long charger cables so he could use his tablet while it was charging. Roman didn’t bother using his tablet much and regretted not keeping it charged. Since he was drunk on hundred dollar vodka on a Wednesday night, it seemed much safer than doing anything else. 

Things like playing games and other hobbies had lost their appeal lately. Roman really tried to be interested, he genuinely tried to boot them up and play, but within thirty minutes he’d always shut them off. He couldn’t focus enough. His mind always drifted to how his twin ran off, how his crush ghosted him and possibly killed himself, how Pat had been crying so easily, how Logan had been beating himself up over finding nothing. It was much easier to space out to social media. _Instagram_ , _Twitter_ , and _Tumblr_ were his safe-havens. There was enough content being shoved in his face at a fast pace that it was easy to let things just… not matter for a bit. 

The last thing opened was _Reddit_ on the tablet. It was still logged into Remus’s account and everything. There was a twinge of guilt for snooping for a moment, but Roman couldn’t help himself. He took a swig of water and checked out the things Remus was interested in for once. Remus never cared about sharing this stuff, but Roman hadn’t listened in a long time. Maybe he’d feel better if he… kind of caught up a bit. 

Remus’s _Reddit_ was all over the place. He was on survivalist boards, supernatural, botany, cooking, alchemy, swords, mythological creatures, medieval bugs, medical, horror, a few animés, 90s movies, nail art, basically everything under the sun. He didn’t know Remus was keen on most of this. Roman was aware of Remus’s obsession with castles and kingdoms and things. They had been to multiple Renaissance faires together. The nail art was interesting, too, since Roman could literally not even imagine Remus doing something so delicate. He had seen Remus’s nails in passing and he regretted never getting a closer look. Did Remus actually do these things or did he only like to see them?

Roman kept scrolling. Crochet? These are crochet patterns. Did Remus do crochet? Roman put the tablet down on the small side table and started digging around in Remus’s room. He could find out this very moment. Roman flipped through the drawers, dug in the nightstand, and eventually found a whole bin of yarn and a few crochet hooks in Remus’s closet on the top shelf. It impressed Roman. There was a half-finished project on top with a dragon design on it. The pattern made scales on either side of a long dragon body. What was this for? He had no idea Remus was even capable of something this deliberate and time-consuming. Roman felt the stiff yarn with his fingers, watching it spring back in awe. 

After carefully putting it back away, Roman sat back down and picked up the tablet again. He took another drink of water and steeled himself. He already gone this deep, he may as well. Roman went to open the next app. Remus’s _Twitter_ was pretty dead, honestly. He didn’t seem to use it much. He had followed a few content creators, but he rarely posted anything himself other than retweeting articles and things. He continued on to the next one. Remus’s _Tumblr_ was more active. He seemed to reblog lots of things from two or three of the same accounts. He liked supernatural theories and creepypasta stories; it seems. He still had a queue spewing out various posts, which was an impressive cache of dark things. 

He swallowed heavily. It was one thing to go through his social media that Roman technically could have accessed any time by following him. It was another to check out his _Discord_. But he was learning so much about Remus at this point, and he was too drunk to convince himself not to very deeply invade his brother’s privacy in a way he never thought he would. But he had already clicked it and he wasn’t backing out. 

Remus had surprisingly few servers on his _Discord_. There were a few hobby servers. Bass guitar, more crochet, a board about cults, some supernatural stuff, a horror book fan server. But there was one with only three members. ‘always a slut for coffee’, ‘The Supreme Dark Overlord’, and Remus’s own account, called ‘Mothman’s Husbando’ on this server. Remus’s status was set to ‘cheating with slenderman’. He could guess who the other two were. Remy didn’t have a status set and Virgil’s said ‘brb yeeting self off of a building’. Roman winced at that. He certainly hoped that’s not what they did. He surely would have heard about that, though, right? There were a few channels on the server. ‘memes’, ‘3am’, ‘complaining’, ‘dumb-bullshit’, ‘list-of-murder-victims’, ‘robot-overlords’, and ‘dying-up-in-here’. 

It appeared there was a focused channel for each one of them. Roman’s name was on the ‘list of murder victims’, posted by Virgil, which was unnerving. But it looked to be literally a channel where they bitched about specific people. Virgil had even complained about Roman on it the last day they were seen. Remus wasn’t talking, but Remy joined Virgil in the early afternoon. Remy acted more ambivalent about Roman, at least. Virgil was just hissing and key smashing and Remy posted eye roll emojis in return. It sort of hurt that Remy didn’t defend Roman any, but Remy wasn’t agreeing, either. Roman probably didn’t deserve defending with how he treated them. The ‘complaining’ channel showed to be Remy’s channel. It was just him messaging himself for two weeks. It was kind of heart-shattering to read and Roman couldn’t keep scanning it. 

Roman moved on to the channel called ‘dying-up-in-here’ and scrolled up. It sounded like to be a general chat. They were talking about dragons, making fun of Virgil for being short, and Remy was very active on this board. Roman had never seen this side of Remy before. Was it possible to fall more hopelessly in love like an idiot? Remy was harsh, but he was always demanding they take care of themselves, saying nice things, and generally supporting them. He had a very bristly manner of showing it, but it was obvious Remy was doing his best to take care of them in his own way. 

Remy’s messages were curt and catty, but he paid attention to Remus and trusted his opinions. He yelled at Virgil to get some sleep but stayed up to talk with him when Virgil freaked out, anyway. Roman and Patton got along very well, but honestly, these three seemed closer than Roman was with his friends. They knew everything about each other. There were constant inside jokes and they could tell just by phrasing when one was having trouble. Roman could see that just from skimming this stuff.

Roman knew he was at fault for keeping Patton and Logan away from a part of his life, so it didn’t feel right to be jealous of it. But maybe this was one of those ‘adversary builds bonds’ kinds of things that helped them get so close. His crush on Remy certainly was not helped by this. Remy was, by all accounts, attentive, affectionate, and concerned about them taking care of themselves. Roman hated that he was falling more for him, but he did. It was all so sweet and endearing. Remy was… almost a mom friend with them, but only if the mom was a raging alcoholic along with her kids. Because… wow. 

If Roman thought he had a drinking problem, though, being drunk alone in the middle of the week… well, the _Discord_ server was pretty illuminating about that, too. It didn’t seem as if they dealt with… anything without intoxication. Literally anything. He saw that Virgil got drunk for breaking a nail once. It had intracate nail art on it, but still. Remus dragged them all to a party for weed because he was mad about a video game. Though Roman was pretty certain Remus had gotten into a fight with his parents again because this was around the time of that stupid gala. Roman was trying his damnedest not to judge, but he was already there. How had they survived up to this point, honestly? It was almost always a ‘straw on the camel’s back’ kind of situation with them. They acted as if were trying to drink themselves to death. 

_Oh_. Maybe they _were_. Maybe they _did_. Roman inhaled sharply and rubbed his face. How did he not see any of this? Was Remus’s cheery demeanor a facade for the fact that he was secretly struggling with everything? Did Roman have a problem, now that he was failing to deal with anything, too? He knew he didn’t want to get as bad as what he read. Maybe just… being mindful of that would help? He probably shouldn’t drink again this week. He should talk with Pat or something. He still wasn’t stopping himself tonight. He was well past that. Trying felt futile and pointless.

Roman sighed and looked away for a moment. Where were they? He had a… well, a weird gut feeling that Remus was okay. He didn’t know if he should depend on it or believe in it. Maybe it was twinstinct? Even if they had drifted apart he still had a kind of… a feeling? He could feel decent about Remus being okay, though he wanted more than anything to see him again and to have a chance to apologize. He also struggled with not knowing if Remus would stay okay. He had no inkling where he was or what he was doing. And he didn’t even know if Remus was actually okay or if Roman was just trying to assure himself Remus was safe for his own sanity’s sake. 

A cell phone was going off with ‘ _Oh Heart_ ‘. Roman looked around and realized his pants were vibrating. Oh, that was Roman’s. Wow, it was fucking loud. He shuffled it out of his pocket. It was nearly dead since he was dicking around on it while drinking. Roman scowled at the bright screen while his eyes adjusted. Think of the devil and he shall appear.

“Hey,” Roman grumbled. He wasn’t ready to talk with Patton about this yet. Nor did he even _want_ to talk to Pat currently.

“Hey now, kiddo, don’t be so dour! I’m calling to ask about your birthday! You’ve normally made plans by now,” Patton asked brightly. Roman could hear some music playing on Patton’s stereo faintly over the phone. 

“I don’t _want_ a fucking birthday, Pat,” Roman protest and put down the tablet next to him to rub his face. “Not without Remus,” He mumbled to himself.

“You hadn’t celebrated your birthday with him since middle school, Ro,” Patton replied shortly, sounding tired.

“There was always that dumb fancy family dinner thing,” Roman rolled his eyes. So, maybe he used to hate that dinner, but now he’d give anything to have it. “When one is missing a twin, to celebrate the shared birth is a sin,” He scoffed. That was all a stretch. He was too tipsy for being artful.

“… I know you miss him, bud. But at some point, you gotta realize your life is going to move on whether you like it or not,” Patton responded sadly, his sigh barely picked up by the receiver. 

“That’s _rich_ coming from you,” Roman grunted as he pawed around for his flask. If he had to talk about this, he needed more alcohol.

“Roman, you really need to ask your parents to let you see a therapist. I’m serious. We’re concerned for you,” Patton replied despondently. 

“I’m not fucking talking to them until they acknowledge that teenagers don’t just up and go _camping_ or whatever in the middle of the god damn week with nothing but a change of clothes and roughly eighty bucks in cash for months in a row,” Roman hissed, taking a sip from his flask. The container made a weird glugging sound as he pulled a shot.

“Roman Abioye Regis, are you _drinking_?” Patton shot angrily, causing the phone audio to crack.

“Not enough to get your panties in a twist over,” Roman grumbled. “Only just enough that this hurts less,” He added grimly under his breath.

“Roman, that is not _healthy_! I’m coming over there and you’re drinking some water and we’re going for a run! You used to _enjoy_ going for a run, remember?” Patton shot angrily. Oof, he really pissed of Pat, now.

“Pat, it’s past curfew,” Roman huffed, capping his flask again. 

“Roman, you live in a gated community. The cops don’t go in there and the private security knows you,” Patton sounded frustrated and shuffling noises came through the receiver. 

“Yeah, I dunno that going on a jog at night is that safe,” Roman drawled sourly. It was true that he was troubled about that, but he’d take any excuse to not go. 

“Neither is drinking to drown your feelings, but here we are. Go change into some jogging clothes now, mister. I’ll be there in about twenty minutes and you damn well better be ready or I’m dragging you _by the ear_ into your parents’ room and telling them about your problem with alcohol abuse,” Patton threatened severely.

“Fine! God! With how _little_ they care about Remus being gone, I doubt they’d be that bothered. I’d just get grounded or whatever,” Roman scoffed bitterly. As if he cared about what his parents thought of him right now. He’d certainly regret it when he sobered up, but he had half a mind to go bitch them out right now. 

“If you’re grounded on your birthday, we can’t celebrate you like we deserve to be able to! And you deserve to enjoy being alive with your friends who appreciate you!” Patton protested sourly. “Seriously! I’m hanging up, go change for a jog and get a non-alcoholic drink for us,” Patton told him off angrily and the call disconnected. 

Roman moaned mournfully and flopped back against the small couch. Patton was right. He was being an asshole. He was so fucking angry and bitter about all of this, and Pat and Lo were the only ones who cared about it. Part of him wanted to push them away. He didn’t feel he deserved friends. He knew the signs of depression by now, Patton rambled about them enough. Maybe he _did_ need to see a therapist. All his parents cared about was appearances, so he wasn’t sure they’d let him. But maybe he could just take himself after his birthday. Patton would know how to do so. 

He sat up and looked around the room for a moment. Getting some of Remus’s clothes helped Remy... well, for a bit, anyway. Maybe it didn’t. He did… well, Logan kept saying Roman had no proof about it, but Roman had no other explanation. Either way, he didn’t care if he felt worse at this point. He got up and dug through Remus’s wardrobe. If it helped, great. If it didn’t, he didn’t care. He needed to listen to Pat.

Roman pulled open the dresser drawers to dig around. Remus’s clothes were organized by colour. This was the weirdest thing he’d ever seen. It’s sort of genius in a strange way. Remus knew what he owned, and he preferred making outfits based around statement pieces with black. Of course, for Roman, this was a nightmare. He had no clue what Remus had, and he didn’t know where to find anything. 

There was a pair of running shorts in the black drawer to wear. Finding an exercise top to go with it was the hard part. Flipping through the clothes wasn’t helping. He owned nothing white and there were no black running shirts. He wasn’t approaching this right. He wanted a green top. Roman switched the drawer with greens and teals and started checking them one by one. He found a teal moisture-wicking shirt with a sigh of relief. 

He changed and left his clothes on the floor, shoving the flask in with the drawer between some jeans while he grabbed his phone off the top of the dresser. Roman headed to the kitchen after that to refill the bottle he’d mostly downed so he could have two filled ones. He walked through the quiet and pristine house and headed out the front door to go sit on the driveway to wait for Patton as requested. He unquestionably wasn’t looking forward to the run. He didn’t wish to see Patton either, but he had been enough of a bastard today.

Patton didn’t take too much longer to get there. He pulled up his car to park behind Roman’s and hopped out of the car as soon as he parked. Patton rushed out of his car to greet Roman, stumbling out of the door and falling down. Roman hurried over and helped him up, checking for any damage. 

“Pat!” Roman said and gripped Patton’s shoulder with his free hand, looking him over. “Are you okay?” He asked with a concerned tone. Patton pulled Roman into a tight hug, squishing the water bottles between them. “Ow, dude,” Roman chuckled. “Lemme go and take your damn water,” He huffed. 

“Sorry, kiddo! I’m fine! I’m just so worried about you,” Patton said sheepishly and took a bottle. “Let’s jog around the block for now,” Patton pat Roman on the back with his free hand and started jogging along the sidewalk. Roman caught up to him quickly and stayed side by side. 

“You’re right,” Roman admitted, as much as he didn’t prefer to. “I’m not dealing with this well. I should have listened to you in the first place,” Roman frowned. He was being petulant about not wanting to do this today, and he felt bad for putting Patton through even more shit that he frankly didn’t deserve. Patton’s face was blended with satisfaction and concern as they jogged. “I’ll… see a therapist after my birthday. Y’think you could help me find one and set it up? I’ve never done this stuff before,” Roman asked weakly. He regretted asking, but at the same time knew he needed to. He didn’t need to end up like his brother. 

“I’d be so happy to, Ro! I’ll ask my therapist for a recommendation. Or you could see the one my parents sent me to because of this whole mess,” Patton offered with a firm nod. Not having to explain all of it would be nice. “Thank you for listening to me,” Patton smiled softly and pat Roman’s shoulder. 

“I’m just… so… done with all of this. I want things to go back to normal. I want Remy back. I need to see Remus. Fuck, I even would apologize to the evil gremlin,” Roman rubbed his face. “I can’t enjoy things anymore. I should be able to have fun. I should be happy it’s almost my birthday, but I’m not. It’s hard,” Roman exhaled harshly. He could swear the more he admitted, the heavier he felt. 

“Having expectations on your emotions isn’t fair to yourself,” Patton frowned at Roman while he jogged. The relief on Patton’s face was entirely beaten out by the apprehension, now.

“You would _expect_ me to not be so pissed off by now. It’s been months,” Roman shook his head bitterly. 

“Well, you don’t have much of an _outlet_ , champ. All you do is mope and go to school. Even when we hang out on the weekends, you’re always putting yourself on the sidelines,” Patton tried and failed to rub Roman’s back while they jogged, but Roman appreciated the gesture.

“Well, Logan can’t be defeated at _Mario Kart_ as far as I’m concerned,” Roman chuckled for a moment and paused, stopping his jog. An outlet, huh?

“What’s up, kiddo?” Patton slowed down and turned to face Roman. 

“I think I just had an idea of what to do for my birthday,” Roman smirked, and for the first time in a while, it wasn’t forced. 

“Oh?” Patton sounded interested. 

“I need to make sure it’s possible first. It’ll be a surprise, I think,” Roman took a sip of water. Jogging while tipsy was much harder than anticipated. Patton’s pace was pretty moderate, but Roman would need to walk soon. 

“You’re using my love of surprises against me,” Patton stated playfully. “Are we still going out for dinner or should I get the stuff to make a cake?” He asked brightly. Fuck, he felt worse, and it wasn’t the clothes or even admitting he had a problem out loud that did it.

“Yeah, we’ll still go out…” Roman trailed off. 

“What’s wrong, champ?” Patton asked, slowing down to a brisk walk, now. Roman took a deep breath and another sip of water. 

“I’ve been a moody bastard for ages and a rotten friend. I don’t understand how you can still be so nice to me,” Roman shook his head. “I’m pretty certain I’ve _more than_ earned you telling me to fuck off,” He gripped at his water bottle sourly. 

“Ro, you lost your brother. I don’t know how that feels. I can’t hold that against you. You’re just trying to deal with the resources you have. I still would appreciate it if you made a better effort to treat us well. It’s been a cycle you can’t break out of where you’re an ass and apologize and then be an ass all over again. That really hurts. And, I think Logan deserves a proper apology, too,” Patton explained solemnly. 

“That’s probably way better than I deserve,” Roman murmured, stopping to take another drink. 

“Hey, that’s not healthy. And it will not be easy. There’s some broken trust you’ll have to earn back. But if you’re willing to make a real effort, I think things will be okay,” Patton pulled Roman in for a hug. 

“I am,” Roman nodded, hugging Patton back. “It doesn’t feel as if things will ever be okay,” He whispered. 

“We adapt and grow, Roman. It won’t be tomorrow, but ‘okay’ _will_ come,” Patton replied softly. Roman swallowed down the tight feeling in his throat. He couldn’t bring himself to believe it, but he could at least hope Patton was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 Warnings:  
> Depression, Underaged Drinking, Alcohol Abuse, Invasion of Privacy. Derogatory Language, Death Mention, Assumed Suicide Mention, Escapism, Arguing, Bad Parenting, Being an Ass to Friends, Exercise


	8. Logan - Outside the Box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman, Logan, and Patton do somethings they've needed to do for a long time.

“I do not see why you think this is safe or ideal,” Logan grumbled as he slid on his protective plastic goggles.

“It’s perfectly safe, we’re in protective gear and everything,” Patton beamed. “Trust me, it’ll be great. Lots of this stuff is sugar glass,” Patton rubbed Logan’s shoulder and the cut-proof glove snagged on Logan’s coveralls.

“You can pick something else to do for _your_ birthday, but today I am giving myself the gift of a little less stress,” Roman sounded very pleased with himself. “Just give it a shot. You’re already here, I’ve already paid, let’s break some stuff,” He beamed, picking up a plate and throwing it at the floor. It shattered immediately, sending tiny shards ricocheting off the protective rubber boots.

“Yeah!” Patton cheered, throwing a cup at the wall, exploding into a small shower of fake glass. It was very nice to see a genuine smile on Roman’s face when he shattered two plates against each other. The cackling was somewhat unnerving, but Patton seemed just as happy.

Logan tentatively picked up a plate and felt it. The texture was odd, and it was much lighter than he expected. He tried to see its tensile strength and accidentally split it in two, just bending it a bit. The feeling was immediate and a little overwhelming. He felt strong. The noise was wonderful. Logan placed down one half and stomped on it, then threw down the other half. Oh, this was…

Roman handed Logan a wine goblet, and Logan chucked it against the wall. He didn’t bother fighting the grin when he reached behind him and grabbed a plate, smashing it against a pillar. There was so much release with the action. He felt like he could conquer the world.

This plate was for the B he got last week. This _wine glass_ was for that bad movie adaption of one of his favourite books. This _bowl_ was for the lecture he got about responsibility when he wasn’t the one who messed up. Logan could see why Roman was cackling because he was, too. Smashing things was absolutely exquisite.

“That’s the spirit!” Roman cheered and passed Logan a plate and held up another one. Logan smashed it against the one in Roman’s hand and they both burst into shards. Patton put a cup on the floor and Roman crushed it with his foot while posing. Logan ground another cup into the floor with a satisfied grin.

That one is for the way he feels when he’s alone studying. Roman held up a plate and Logan punched right through it with a cheer of excitement. That one is for all the times his parents didn’t allow him out. Logan, Patton, and Roman picked up wine glasses and clinked them together in cheers, shattering them and throwing down the stems at once. Logan slammed his fist down on a stack of three plates, smashing through all of them and then throwing the halves against the wall. That one was for all the times he failed to find Virgil.

They kept going, smashing things in creative ways or just enjoying the _fireworks show_ that was the glass shards as they burst off the walls and pillars near them. Logan was panting by the time they cleared the table of all their things to destroy. He glowered at it angrily when he reached down fruitlessly for something else to smash. He didn’t feel done with this activity. _He wasn’t done._

“ _More_ ,” Logan growled, and for once he didn’t care that it wasn’t a proper sentence and he wasn’t thinking straight.

“Seconded,” Roman nodded and headed over to the representative, handing over his card. Patton joined him while Logan gripped the table in frustration. He wiped his brow and huffed out an angry exhale.

“Here,” Patton pushed a cold sports drink against Logan’s wrist. He stood up straight and took the bottle, snapping the cap off swiftly and taking a drink. “Are you doing okay, Lo?”

“ _No_ ,” Logan shook his head. “And it’s a good thing,” Logan grumbled and drank again.

“Gentleman, I found out there is an ‘ _Office Space_ ’ option,” Roman said, returning with an aluminum baseball bat. “Logan, would you like to start?” He held out the bat temptingly out to Logan, wiggling it a little.

“It would be my greatest delight,” Logan nodded, taking the baseball bat and clinking it against the table legs lightly to get a feel for it. The representative wheeled out an ancient printer on a cart. He lifted the printer off and placed it on the ground and wheeled the cart back away.

As soon as the salesperson yelled, “Clear!” Logan wound up and brought the bat down hard on the plastic printer. It made the most satisfying crunching noise of his entire life.

This was for the way his parents treated school as more important than he was. This was for all the poor grades. This was for feeling a failure. He shouted angrily as he brought down the bat again. This was for how he couldn’t help his friend’s sadness. This was for the way people treated him like a child. This was for the racist comments. This was for the empty hole Virgil left when he disappeared. This was for _Remy_. Logan went at the printer with the baseball bat until he was gasping for air. He sighed in relief and passed it off to Roman and went to go lean against Patton.

“You had some things to work out, huh,” Patton asked calmly and wrapped his arm around Logan’s shoulder. Logan just nodded and reached for his drink to take a sip.

“Is it strange that I am both starving and want a nap?” Logan asked as a piece went flying from Roman’s much more effectual hits.

“Nope,” Patton replied airily. “Go ahead and finish it off, Ro. I’m done,” Patton called and Roman grinned so manically it was disturbing before he brought the bat down with a loud clattering smash. The printer bounced on the floor from the impact and another piece flew off. Logan was a bit jealous of Roman’s strength. He was completely decimating that printer. He was probably working through things, too. Roman had a dark gleam in his eye. He even drop-kicked the printer a few times, perhaps in homage. “I think maybe I’ll drive to the restaurant,” Patton said as Roman continued his rage against the printer, not even acknowledging him.

“I think that’s ideal,” Logan sighed, feeling completely drained. “I think I would like to lie down in the back seat,” He added, and Patton rubbed Logan’s shoulder affectionately. Logan leaned into Patton, happy for the support. His eyes burned, so he sipped his drink slowly and slid off his gloves to rub them under the goggles. Logan and Patton started slipping out of the protective gear while Roman cried out angrily with the final hits on the printer. He dropped the bat with a clatter and sniffled, a tear running down his face and getting caught in the fogging goggles.

“Mood,” Logan said under his breath as he worked off the last boot. That explained the tissues here. Roman took off his gloves and Logan passed over a tissue silently. He nodded and turned around to blow his nose. Roman stayed turned away for a minute before he turned around to take off the rest of his gear. Patton put his arm around Roman’s shoulder and they headed out quietly.

Roman didn’t argue about not driving to the next location. He sat quietly in the front seat, staring blankly ahead. Patton stared at him in concern, looking unsure. It wasn’t much longer until Roman broke down crying, leaning against the dash. Patton rubbed his back slowly while Roman cried and Logan sighed. He wondered how long Roman had been holding that back. Logan also felt hot in the face. He rubbed his eyes again and his hands came back wet. Huh.

“Patton, why am I crying?” Logan asked quietly. “I don’t understand,” Logan wiped off a tear with his finger and looked at his shining hand. 

“It’s a stress response,” Patton responded softly, turning to look at Logan. “And you worked through some stuff you haven’t been dealing with, if I had to guess. Check my bag, there’re tissues in there, too,” Patton motioned to the bag at Logan’s feet. A box of tissues really was right on top. Logan pulled one out and wiped his eyes. “Hey, Ro, why don’t you go back with Lo,” Patton suggested softly and Roman nodded weakly, tears running down his cheeks. He got out of the passenger’s seat and came to sit down next to Logan. Logan passed off the box of tissues. Roman blew his nose and leaned despondently against the back of the headrest.

Logan tentatively reached out to pat him on the back, but he was so bad at this. He barely understood why he was crying. Logan gave up and dropped his arm. Roman’s arm shot out and pulled Logan against him, shuddering with another sob. Logan reached out and hugged him back, leaning against him.

“Pat, take us to a drive-through and get us some ice cream,” Roman demanded, muffled by the headrest in front of him.

“You’ll get stomach aches if you eat ice cream before dinner,” Patton chided, turning to face them.

“It’s my birthday and I’ll cry into ice cream if I want to,” Roman chuckled darkly and sniffled, sounding amused.

“It’s your tummy’s funeral,” Patton shrugged, turning the keys to start the car.

“Remus would do it. The dude ate ice cream for breakfast. He never had an upset stomach,” Roman mumbled with a weak smile. “You think I could get a forty to pour out for them?” He asked, turning to Logan. Logan hoped that was rhetorical since he didn’t know how to get a hold of that.

“How about you pour out that _flask_ for them,” Patton shot Roman a look and his words were bordering on kind, but there was a clear bite to his statement. Roman glared at Patton but didn’t say anything. He must have caught Roman drinking again.

Logan sighed shakily and grabbed another tissue for the drainage. Crying was gross. Roman blindly reached for another tissue and Logan passed one to him. There were many things in his life he couldn’t have anticipated, but spending part of Roman’s birthday crying in the backseat of his car was certainly not one of them. He needed to think more unexpectedly. 

The universe was random, not ordered. Order was a human invention. One he liked and found comfort in. But it never helped him when he needed it to. Sense and organization didn’t find his friends. Order wouldn’t help his friends be happy. Ice cream wouldn’t either, but Logan would be damned if he passed up the opportunity for ice cream.

“I want a swirl,” Roman huffed into the seat. Logan looked up, and they were already at the drive-through, behind a car in line for the speaker.

“I would like dipped vanilla,” Logan requested.

“Oh, I want a dip, too,” Roman added, sounding less pitiful. He sniffled and blew his nose again. The car moved forward and Patton rolled the window down.

“Hello! I’d like a dipped swirl cone, dipped vanilla, and small curly fries,” Patton ordered at the speaker brightly.

“And a small regular fries!” Roman shot.

“What he said. That’s all, thank you!” Patton smiled, and it looked like he might have rolled his eyes. They told him to pull forward and Patton took the car out of park and moved it ahead.

“Remus always put potato chips in his ice cream. This is close enough,” Roman muttered, and it seemed like it was more to himself. Logan nodded slightly and tried to sit up, but Roman refused to let him go. “I'll let go when we get ice cream, I need this,” He mumbled, rubbing his face.

“Are you alright?” Logan asked carefully.

“I will be. I’m just… feeling clingy,” Roman sighed and leaned back against the seat, taking Logan with him.

“Reasonable,” Logan nodded. “Is there something you would like to… verbalize?” Logan asked awkwardly. He had no idea how to word this, and he knew it sounded terrible as soon as it came out of his mouth.

“Not without ice cream,” Roman shook his head.

“Good thing, then!” Patton chirped and passed back Roman’s cone. The next thing passed back was Logan’s cone. Patton withdrew his curly fries from the bag and passed back the bag to Roman.

Roman ate the tip of his swirled cone right away. Logan followed suit, not wanting the ice cream to melt. He didn’t want ice cream dripping all over his hands. Roman let Logan sit up, but Logan stayed pressed close to Roman. Roman seemed to appreciate it. He dipped a fry into the ice cream and ate it.

“Honestly, it’s pretty good,” Roman laughed weakly. He angled the bag towards Logan and took a fry and dipped it right in the center before eating it. He disagreed fervently. The fry was squishy and cold, and the vanilla was overpowering and made the fry taste wrong.

“Agree to disagree,” Logan shook his head and hurriedly ate some more ice cream to try to remove the flavour from his palette. Patton laughed in the front seat and blindly shoved some curly fries in his mouth as he drove.

“When’s the reservation at the steakhouse?” Patton asked through a mouthful of fries.

“Another twenty minutes out,” Roman sniffed, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. “Plenty of time to get there and finish our ice cream,” Roman took another big bite. Logan had no idea how he didn’t hurt his teeth or get brain freeze at the pace he was eating. He had eaten at least 33% more than Logan had and gone through half the fries already.

“So, what did you want to get off your chest?” Patton asked as he pulled up to a red light.

“I… had a crush on Remy,” Roman admitted quietly. Patton jumped and gripped the wheel, shooting Roman a look in the rear-view mirror, but he didn’t look up to notice. “I know it was one-sided already. But that’s why… I couldn’t take it when he…” Roman trailed off.

“Roman, you have no proof. There is no obituary or news about it,” Logan insisted as firmly as he could force it.

“I know! I know…” Roman sighed and dipped another fry into his cone. “I’m just saying… I lost my brother and my crush and that's why I’ve been an inconsolable jerk. I really wanted Remy to be here. I wanted to tell him how I felt and see if he’d give me a chance. Maybe… we could have had a joint birthday, and all done something together. They would have loved the rage room. Remy could have ordered the most expensive thing on the menu to spite my parents. We could have shared cake and gone dancing. Remus would know how to sneak Virgil and Logan in, probably. Done the whole 18th birthday shebang thing. It… would have been great,” Roman listed off a potential party plan sullenly. 

“I… yeah,” Patton said weakly. “Roman, um…” He trailed off.

“It’s unrealistic? I know. Virgil doesn’t like us. They’d probably just drink at Virgil’s house without us. Maybe invite Logan to spite me. If they were still here, nothing would have changed, and I’d still be stubbornly ignoring Remus. I’d still be pining across from the room at Remy at house parties,” Roman frowned, looking more morose than he’d ever seen anyone eating an ice cream look.

“Uh, that too. Ro, I think… I think Remy was in love with Virgil,” Patton told him quietly, keeping his eyes on the road. Roman froze, staring ahead stiffly. “I’m sorry. He mentioned he liked him… that time he nearly got alcohol poisoning. And… I think it was a lot more than like. He might also have a thing for Remus in a different way. The way he talked about them…” Patton trailed off. “So as much as I want your fantasy to be true, as much as I wish they were here with us, I don’t think… Well, I think you need to let Remy go,” Patton sounded consolatory and concerned for Roman.

“I know,” Roman dropped his head against the front seat headrest again, hitting it slightly against the cushion. “I know!” He half-shouted. “I think I already knew it was never happening, and that’s part of why I never asked. I just couldn’t help but dream. Remy told me to ask you out, you know that? When I told him I had a crush, he told me to take you on a date to get over it because we never know what’s going to happen and he wanted me to be happy. It was so painful to hear, even though it was so sweet. And I considered it, but it didn’t seem fair to date someone when I’m in love with someone else,” Roman shook his head bitterly.

“Yeah,” Patton breathed.

“God, that sounds so bad. I’m not saying I’m disinterested, I’m just…” Roman trailed off and sniffled.

“Hung up on Remy, I know,” Patton nodded in agreement but looked sad. Logan couldn’t help but feel like a third wheel, and that hurt in a way he didn’t think was possible. He considered moving away, but Roman wrapped his arm around Logan again. Logan looked to Roman nervously, and he was tearing up again.

“Let’s… I love you guys so much. I don’t want to lose you, the same as I lost them. So please, don’t get weird about this. I just had to get it off my chest. I still feel the same about both of you. You’re both important to me. I don’t want to lose what we have, either. So once we go inside, we’re going to _drop it_ , okay? And we’re going to order enough food and drink to piss off my parents and have a delightful time. We can talk about the rage room or colleges that we could all go to or what Logan’s hair would look like in another dimension, but not my stupid unrequited crush,” Roman said emphatically, squeezing Logan’s shoulder.

“It’s not stupid, Roman, just _unlucky_ ,” Patton shook his head.

“In another dimension, I would think I’d have navy blue hair, but I wouldn’t rule out purple,” Logan offered. Any reason to change the subject worked for Logan. He was feeling overwhelmed by all these emotions.

“ _That’s_ the ticket!” Roman said, sounding much cheerier and taking another bite. “You know what’s weird? I think me in another dimension might also have purple hair. Though, I would assume it’s more of a plum colour than pure purple,” He added thoughtfully. It was unnerving how fast Roman could switch, but Logan hoped he was feeling a little better for real and not just pretending again.

“That is kind of weird. Honestly, me too. Maybe dirty blond or brown for me as well,” Patton smiled in the rear-view mirror. “Almost there,” He announced, and Logan nodded.

“I also think dark brown would be likely. Not that I mind the black, but I would enjoy more colour in my hair even in this dimension,” Logan offered and looked to Roman, who had sat up again and licked at his cone, looking much more content. Logan’s birthday present for him felt woefully inadequate now. He needed to think more outside of the box.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 Warnings:  
> Destruction, Anger, Crying, Food, Unrequited Pining
> 
> A Million thanks to **[Cinder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssenkradisacoolnameithink/profile) and [Jamie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/midge1/pseuds/midge1)! for Beta'ing!**


	9. Virgil - The Sand Guardian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday, Remus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning in endnotes

“Still tired from the ritual, Reamy-roo?” Virgil tittered deliriously as he stood behind Remus, throwing his arms around Remus’s neck as he sat on the edge of the patio. 

“Nah, I’m doing okay. I think you took the brunt of it,” Remus chuckled. “It’s just the birthday thing in itself,” Remus looked down and kicked at the tall grass, and held at Virgil’s arms to return the hug. 

“Awe, Ream!” Virgil cooed and Remus leaned forward and stood up, grabbing Virgil’s kicking legs when he tried to stabilize himself. “Eep!” He squeaked as Remus moved him. 

“I had a great time. The dragon’s gift is really fucking cool,” Remus told him somewhat flatly compared to his usual fervor. 

“I wish I could see it!” Virgil whined tiredly, hanging from his arms off of Remus’s neck. 

“Depends on what the dragons do for your birthday, or how hard you practice,” Remus replied airily, continuing to walk ahead. He still seemed distracted, though. 

“I doubt I’ll get natural sight, though,” Virgil grumbled, pouting out his lower lip. “What’s wrong, then?” He shifted to try to see Remus’s face, but he couldn’t reach. 

“It just… feels wrong to celebrate my birthday without Roman. I never thought I’d miss those stupid stuffy dinners,” Remus shrugged, and the action made Virgil bounce. “Come on, there’s one over here,” Remus motioned with his head. “It’s dancing around the fire. Do you remember when we listened to one near the fire before? It’s not playing right now, but it’s jamming to the drums,” Remus explained, his head moving around. Virgil looked expectantly near the fire, but still saw nothing where Remus looked. He didn’t know why he looked. Virgil pouted and pulled himself up higher on Remus’s back, and Remus adjusted his grip. 

“What’s it look like?” Virgil asked expectantly, pouting with disappointment. 

“It’s hard to describe. There’s probably a word in Draconic for it I certainly couldn’t pronounce,” Remus chuckled sourly, still watching something Virgil couldn’t see. 

“Be as abstract as you like,” Virgil suggested, feeling incredibly curious about how it looked. They hadn’t gotten that far in training yet. 

“Ethereal. It doesn’t really have a single form. Sometimes it’s opaque and sometimes it’s translucent. But it’s like… the colour of a mossy rock with flowers on it. And its vibe is like… cinnamon bun, but it could actually kill you,” Remus responded considerately, pausing while he talked to think about what he said. He didn’t sound certain with any of it, but Virgil followed it well enough. 

“Oh, mood,” Virgil grinned and rubbed his head on Remus affectionately. “How can you tell the difference between a spirit and a hallucination, though?” He asked before he had time to consider if that was a rude question, but Remus didn’t seem phased, so it was okay. 

“The spirits are kind of glowy? I think? It’s more like… luminescence. Hallucinations are more mundane or something. When I have a vision or there’s a spirit, it’s really saturated and surreal and when you look at it, it feels more… otherworldly,” Remus motioned with his hands, trying to illustrate what he was talking about before reaching around to support Virgil’s legs in a proper piggyback ride. 

“It’s kind of weird that the hallucinations are normal instead of surreal and unbelievable, but something that is real and possible looks more out there,” Virgil mused airily, nestling against Remus’s neck. It was a warm summer night, but Virgil never passed a chance to enjoy Remus’s body heat. He was so damn tired after the ritual that he just wanted to curl up on Remus and fall asleep. But it was Remus’s birthday and Remus was feeling off and Virgil wouldn’t leave Remus alone if he could help it. 

“The dragons probably have a sense of humour,” Remus chortled lightly, shifting to support Virgil better. 

“I _bet_ they do,” Virgil slurred a little as he laughed, gripping at Remus’s robes to maintain balance. 

“Hey, where’s Remy? Shouldn’t he be babysitting you?” Remus asked, glancing at Virgil over his shoulder. 

“It’s the one time he’s allowed to go ham as our consort, he’s in a drinking contest with Morgan. Thorn literally was drunk under the table. He threw back some mead and just slid down the chair to the floor. It was the funniest shit ever,” Virgil giggled, covering his mouth. He nearly slipped when he stopped holding on to Remus, but his tank of a best friend had no issue holding him upright. “Remy said I’m already faced on dragon and wouldn’t let me drink,” He whined pitifully, pouting out his lower lip at Remus even though he probably couldn’t see. “But he said I could get a joint if I shared it with you,” Virgil added brightly, pulling at Remus’s robe hopefully. He scooted Remus’s hair over his other shoulder so he could rest his head on it. 

“You’re probably going to pass out if you have a joint, little guy,” Remus pat Virgil’s leg with his fingers, sounding amused. 

“Eh,” Virgil whined slowly, feeling offended even if it was the truth. “Rude. Then, fine, I was lonely without you and we need to go to cheer on Remy,” He stated another truth without saying he was troubled about Remus moping alone and feeling bad. 

“Is Damien with the old dudes again?” Remus asked as he pivoted around to head towards the building. Virgil sighed in relief that Remus accepted this one, his chin bobbing on Remus’s shoulder as Remus stepped up the stairs on the veranda. 

“He’s in the sanctuary with us, but he’ll probably go to bed soon. I think fucking us up instead of you was another gift to you,” Virgil tittered, playing with one of Remus’s twists that Virgil missed moving to his other shoulder. “Drinking contests aren’t really his jam, but he was curious to see who’d win. They’re waiting for us,” He explained as Remus walked across the veranda, dodging the various drunk and drinking people, and headed towards the door. People waved or raised their glass to Remus as they passed, often cheering. 

Virgil hummed happily along to the music echoing through the air as Remus carried him inside. Honestly, he was glad to not be walking. He was sore all over and wanted to sleep for a week. If he looked up at the stars, he might blackout, so he just closed his eyes and enjoyed the ride. 

The summer night was still hot and Virgil could tell right away when they entered the sanctuary just by the change in temperature, even if he couldn’t hear the big-ass wooden door scraping on the stonework. People cheered when Remus entered, congratulating him or drinking to him. Remus normally liked positive attention, so hopefully, this was nice for him. 

“Ah, Remus, good to see you,” Virgil heard Damien coo and Remus leaned in to give Damien a one-armed side hug. Virgil tilted a little and gripped on to Remus’s robe to not fall over. He didn’t want his nap-ride to end. 

“Hey, Lord Damien, who’s winning?” Remus sounded amused while Virgil rubbed his eyes sleepily. Opening them back up was hard. 

“I am!” Morgan and Remy both called out, holding up their hands. Virgil and Remus laughed through their nose with a small snort in unison. Damien was just plastered with his patented annoyed expression. 

“Remy is one drink ahead,” Damien corrected them, crossing and uncrossing his legs on the loose chair. “Let’s just say he’ll be lucky if he loses only a week if he decides to join us,” He laughed darkly. Damien was not holding back as usual, but he sounded more awake than Virgil. He was probably more used to dealing with this than Virgil was. 

“Hey!” Remy shot indignantly. Remus sat on the bench next to Remy and Virgil shuffled to sit between them. Virgil pressed a kiss to Remy’s cheek while he picked up another drink to chug. “Three, two, one, go!” Remy chugged the shot glass immediately and flipped it, moving on to the next one. He worked swiftly down the line, throwing each back professionally. Remy chugged like a fucking champ, and Virgil watched his Adam’s apple bob as Remy barely breathed to get his drinks down. 

“Go, Rem!” Remus cheered and Virgil gripped the table with anticipation. 

“One more,” Remy hissed as he picked up the final glass and chugged it, flipping it on the table when it was empty and holding up both his arms victoriously. “Fuck yeah!” Remy cheered. Morgan sputtered into her last drink angrily. 

“Damnit! Fine, I’ll make you the things you want,” Morgan grumbled, throwing back the last glass slower than before. 

“Thank you,” Remy purred triumphantly and pulled Virgil in, peppering his face with kisses. Virgil cackled delightedly as Remy’s lips tickled him. “You were close, though, I’ll give you that,” Remy gave credit where it was due as Virgil was dazed from affection after the kiss assault. Morgan put her glass down on the table hard, causing a loud hollow sound from the wood. It sort of shook Virgil out of it, but he was still feeling warm and tingly. He nestled into Remy’s arm lovingly. 

“Yeah, you better watch out,” Morgan winked at Remy and pointed menacingly. 

“You better watch out! You better watch out!” Virgil and Remus chanted automatically and Damien groaned loudly, running his hand down his face. 

“I think I’m going to bed,” Damien grumbled, crossing his arms. 

“No!” Virgil whined. “Let’s play three-way dragon hands! It’s his birthday, you _gotta_!” Virgil pointed at Remus and pouted. He needed help with monitoring Remus, and Damien was the only one who was able to knock Remus out if he had to. 

“Huh?” Virgil heard Thorn’s confusion from under the table. 

“It’s his birthday, and _he_ picks what he wants to do,” Damien replied firmly, looking annoyed. 

“I want to play three-way dragon hands,” Remus responded smugly, a mischievous grin looking like it was ready to break out. “I’m feeling a little melancholy and zapping your tired asses will help,” He stuck out his tongue and picked up Virgil as he got up from the bench. 

Virgil squeaked again as he got carried off and set on the floor. He crossed his legs and sat where Remus deposited him. Virgil and Remus patted the last spot to fill out the triangle on the floor and looked pointedly at Damien. Damien sighed dramatically and his shoulders drooped before getting up and sitting on the floor with them, crossing his legs and looking every bit as poised as he always did. 

“Please do your best to dial it back, Virgil,” Damien warned and Virgil frowned at Damien. 

“I’ll try, but I haven’t really figured it out yet,” Virgil said sheepishly, gripping at his robes draped over his knees. 

“Okay, Virge? You gotta look at all those chickens. Then you gotta blow them away like Adam. And you look deep through the lineup of cars and guys dodging away to see the butt. And you step in the bathroom singing the halo theme and you find yourself among brothers,” Remus put his hand on Virgil’s shoulder and listed off vines intensely, locking eyes with Virgil. 

“Remus, what the actual—” Damien tried to protest, but Virgil felt like he was understanding what Remus was getting at. 

“No, no, let him finish,” Virgil objected, shaking his hand at Damien, returning to lock eyes with Remus again, and nodded. 

“And you need to get a dash of every soda. If you miss the putt, you can’t throw yourself in the pond,” Remus shook his head deliberately. 

“But that’s how I _do_!” Virgil protested loudly, pulling at his robes once more. 

“No, you are the sand guardian, guardian of the sand!” Remus shot proudly, holding both of Virgil’s shoulders as he made his declaration. Damien made a variety of exasperated noises in the background. 

“Poseidon quivers before you!” Remy tackle-hugged Virgil from behind, and it would have knocked him forward if Remus wasn’t holding him. 

“Fuck off!” Damien shot, rubbing his face in his hands. Morgan fell off the bench, holding her sides, laughing so hard her face went red. Virgil wasn’t sure Thorn could breathe under the table, he was cackling so hard on the floor with her. The serendipity was too perfect, and Remus and Remy were roaring, too. Virgil was too tired to do much more than cackle a bit. “Are we going to play or am I going to bed to let you _meme_ in peace until Virgil blacks out?” Damien rolled his eyes and held out his hands. 

“Hey!” Virgil shot bitterly. “I’m peachy-keen,” He stuck his tongue at Damien and held out his hands, palm down on Remus’s side and palm up on Damien’s. Remy picked up Virgil and slid under him, and Virgil ended up sitting on Remy’s lap, which positioned him higher up. He appreciated it since Remus and Damien were both excessively tall and he held his hands at a more comfortable height, now. 

“At least tell me you won’t shock me so hard,” Damien sighed in resignation. 

“I think I got the gist of it. Push away the bullshit, dig deep, and be more confident in myself,” Virgil said, though he wasn’t entirely sure how to do that. At least he knew it maybe wasn’t that he was shit at it and he just had to figure some stuff out first. So much of this awesome dragon crap was about working on yourself. It was frustrating since Virgil felt like he had been stuck right where he was and he didn’t know where to start to ask for help. 

“Why… didn’t you just say that,” Damien rubbed his face and held out his hands again, hovering over Virgil’s hand. 

“You speak ancient Draconian and we speak ancient vine,” Remus snickered and held out his hands, interlocking with them. 

“How are you doing with that, by the way?” Damien raised a questioning eyebrow at Remus. He already knew the answer, so asking seemed silly to Virgil. 

“Bup-bup-bup! Dragon hands,” Remus tapped up a finger over his mouth before putting his hands back in position. Not wanting to talk about it on his birthday sounded fair to Virgil. 

“Sir Remus wins for vegetable washing duty,” Thorn whispered behind his hand to Morgan, but he was drunk and bad at volume control, so presumably everybody heard his attempt at a whisper. 

“Lord Damien wins. Deal,” Morgan whispered back with an impish expression. 

“Rude!” Virgil glared at them. Morgan just snickered, but Thorn turned red for a moment. 

“I mean… Sir Virgil, you look like you’re about to pass out. I’ve seen you win before, I know you can, but…” Thorn started rambling and Virgil stuck his tongue out at them and grimaced. Morgan laughed out loud and jostled Thorn with her shoulder. 

“Three, two, one,” Remus counted down and immediately went for Virgil. Virgil dodged and went for Damien at the same time, but Damien avoided him. There were another few rounds of dodging in time until Remus tagged him. Remus jumped when he hit Virgil’s hand and Virgil winced sympathetically, feeling bad. He honestly was trying. 

They switched positions with Virgil trying to hit Remus and Damien at the same time with his hand. Thorn was apparently right about Virgil’s ability to hold out, seeing as was already getting fucking fatigued. Virgil wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold out. 

Virgil finally tagged Damien, but Damien didn’t react as if Virgil shocked him at all. Damn it! He was supposed to shock them with tags, not shock them when they tagged him. But he couldn’t ever seem to shock them willingly unless he was mad, and he wasn’t able to turn off zapping anyone who touched him unexpectedly. Trying to push some out and hold it back was even more exhausting than the game was. It wasn’t long until he was five tags out and he collapsed back against Remy in defeat. 

“It’s… alright, Virgil. You didn’t get me that last time,” Damien reassured him, sounding strained while he dodged Remus. 

“See, you’re getting better,” Remy reassured him softly. 

Virgil felt incredibly drained. Remus and Damien barely zapped him when they tagged him, but trying to stop his stupid self-defense thing was much harder than playing the game. If he could just figure it out, he’d stop getting so depleted. 

It made sense Remus and Damien were able to do it so easily. They were possibly the most confident creatures on the planet. If self-assurance was part of it, then that was a hurdle he’d have to overcome. But he wasn’t great at the ‘focusing’ thing either. Virgil wrapped his arms around Remy’s hands, pulling them in closer to himself, and pressed his head to Remy’s shoulder. 

“Oh!” Thorn cried out suddenly, shaking Virgil from nearly passing out. “Tied!” Virgil looked to Thorn on the floor with his fists balled tightly and staring intensely at Damien and Remus. He bounced his fists on the floor as he watched them intensely “Go Sir Remus!” Thorn shouted excitedly. 

“Show ‘em who’s boss, Lord Damien!” Morgan cheered, twisting one hand in the air and holding herself up with the other. Remus and Damien were staring at each other’s hands with unparalleled attention. He wouldn’t be surprised if neither of them even heard Thorn and Morgan with that kind of focus. 

“How about I walk you to bed, starlight?” Remy kissed Virgil’s head. 

“Will you stay with me ‘till I pass out?” Virgil muttered quietly. Remy nodded and Virgil gradually got up out of his lap. 

“G’night,” Virgil gave a small wave to the group after adjusting his robes. 

“Night, Sir Virgil!” Morgan and Thorn called back at the same time. 

Damien and Remus definitely didn’t notice them, but Virgil didn’t care as long as he woke up with somebody. He still didn’t like being alone in this giant old church thing. Virgil leaned to rub Remus’s shoulder affectionately as they passed to head to their room. Perhaps Damien will want to sleep in and join Virgil. Remy probably will be hungover for sure. Remus seemed fine, but Virgil was worried about him. He got Damien to spend time with Remus and hopefully wear him out a bit, so Virgil felt okay going to bed now. Well, he needed to make sure of one more thing. 

“Hey, will you stay up with Remus? He’s… I get why he’s upset but…” Virgil trailed off awkwardly, leaning into Remy a little as he walked. 

“I was going to stay up with the birthday boy. Lord Damien can stay with him while you fall asleep,” Remy nodded confidently and twisted his hand as he spoke. 

“Thanks. I think if I had siblings, I’d probably be melancholy on their birthday, too. It’s not like Roman was an ass all the time. We played together when we were little. I have good memories of him along with the bad. Remus has to have that ten times worse,” Virgil muttered, leaning against Remy in the hallway and gripping on to his shirt. He was having a little trouble staying upright. 

Remy pushed open the heavy door to their room and took off Virgil’s stole as soon as the door was closed. Virgil shrugged off his robes into the laundry basket and Remy passed him a soft long-sleeve shirt and pants from the dresser. Virgil slipped into it with a sigh behind the screen and kicked off his shoes. Remy picked him up and tossed him gently into the bed, and Virgil landed with a protest from the frame and rebounded. Remy kicked off his shoes to come to cuddle Virgil. Virgil got jostled again when Remy threw himself on the bed. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been to a birthday party that… involved before,” Remy laughed lightly, sounding slightly confused as he pulled Virgil in to cuddle. 

“Is watching us trance out still funky?” Virgil asked after he fought a giant yawn and settled on Remy’s chest. 

“That’s a word for it,” Remy huffed. “It’s weird to be… fantasy-element adjacent, I guess,” Remy admitted with a discouraged tone. 

“Are you still considering the whole initiate thing?” Virgil asked hopefully. 

“The whole ‘indefinite’ thing sort of spooks me. I get that it’s all to build a connection to the dragons and all, and there’s a certain threshold you have to hit before you’re ready for the ceremony,” Remy grumbled, sounding unsure. “But like… how awful would it be to be the guy who is an initiate for years because the dragons don’t want him?” His voice wavered as he admitted what he was _actually_ terrified of. 

“There’s literally _zero_ history of that happening, Remy. The longest time frame was three years, and the guy had some personal issues he basically refused to address that was stopping him,” Virgil explained, patting Remy’s chest reassuringly with his fingertips. 

“Maybe dealing with my shit first would help me feel better,” Remy proposed, not sounding convinced. “Though I have to admit the gig is cushy and I don’t want to be an intern. It’s cool being a consort. People respect me. I don’t want to lose that,” He added, staring up at the ceiling with an odd expression. 

“I guess that’s fair. You’ll still have the respect and the title despite the intern tasks, probably. I just… you’ll live longer and be healthier with the ceremony. The miracle milk fixes up all kinds of issues. I just don’t like the idea of… well, losing you,” Virgil admitted under his breath, stroking Remy’s hair out of his face. 

“I know. I heard Masterson does therapy sometimes. I might talk to them. Don’t hold me to that, I’m drunk enough to acknowledge my issues at all,” Remy laughed airily. 

“That is a thing you do,” Virgil sighed, shaking his head languidly. “Well, maybe if you work through some personal shit, you can get through the initiate phase faster. I know about what the texts say you need to do, we can… just work on that a little? They probably do this with the kids before they choose to become initiates, so it’s not cheating, right?” Virgil asked, trying to justify it to himself. 

“Babe, you used to write the answers on the inside of your water bottle labels during tests so you could read them when you drank down the water,” Remy laughed heartily, shaking Virgil on his chest. 

“I got scared and forgot everything!” Virgil shot back defensively. 

“I’m just saying something that doesn’t even circumvent the system is barely even cheating, so you don’t have to worry about it. Part of the initiate thing is building a connection to the community and a respect for the things you have. I can’t skip that part. If I get how to meditate a little easier than someone off the street, I don’t think it’s a big deal,” Remy explained, reassuring Virgil. That made sense. 

“You know, me trying to word things in a way you understand them easier helps me with my project, too. You can be my test dummy or something for the effectiveness of what I’m saying,” Virgil suggested brightly, though all the energetic responses made a big painful yawn ripped through Virgil again. 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Remy chuckled and kissed Virgil’s cheek. Virgil turned his head to give Remy a proper kiss in return. Remy hummed in delight and kissed him back enthusiastically. 

“I love you,” Virgil murmured after he settled back down on Remy’s chest. 

“Love you too, babe,” Remy smirked and by the dragons, he was beautiful in the moonlight. “Any advice for helping Remus out?” He asked, still looking down at Virgil. 

“I think just keeping him distracted and staying close. He’s surprisingly stealthy for a guy his size. I’d hang off him as much as you can. If I was missing somebody, I’d feel clingy, anyway. I was clingy when you were gone,” Virgil mused tiredly, shifting to see Remy better. 

“That’s very doable,” Remy sounded confident as he spoke. “You’re always clingy these days, though,” He chuckled and played with Virgil’s ponytail. “Are you going to cut this? Not that the baby ponytail isn’t fetching,” He added. 

“No, I won’t be able to go purple again! If lavender tips are all I can have, I’ll take it,” Virgil shook his head. “How are you so cognizant? You hammered 10 shots of mead in a row,” He asked, furrowing his eyebrows at Remy. 

“I had the watered-down stuff they give teenagers. I really needed to win,” Remy stuck out his tongue playfully. 

“Oh, R.I.P. if Mo ever finds out,” Virgil giggled faintly. 

“She won’t,” Remy shook his head with a determined grin. “You doing okay?” He added, stroking the back of Virgil’s head. 

“Yeah. I’m just… stupid fatigued. The birthday ritual is involved. It’s hard to tell, but… Something feels _different_ ,” Virgil shook his head. “I don’t know how to describe it. I have a feeling I’ll understand it better after my birthday. I just need to make sure I practice hard,” Virgil replied resolutely. 

“Don’t overwork yourself, starlight,” Remy looked at Virgil with a no-nonsense expression. 

“I—” Virgil got cut off with an enormous yawn. “I know,” Virgil reached up and rubbed his eyes. “Can we go on a date sometime soon? Go on a picnic in the garden or something?” Virgil asked, sounding just as drained as he felt as he rubbed his face. 

“I’d love to. Is that your way of saying you’re going to _need_ the break?” Remy arched an eyebrow at him. 

“I just like flowers and kissing you, that’s all,” Virgil yawned again. Remy leaned over to give Virgil another kiss, but he was so tired he barely kissed back. 

“Speaking of, quit fighting it. I’ll be back with the space heater and maybe even Lord ‘speaks Draconic in his sleep’ to fill the nice big new bed,” Remy kissed Virgil’s forehead and he slowly closed his eyes. 

“Y’think… if we declared you Damien’s consort, too, we could… implode the entire gossip circle?” Virgil struggled to stay awake, now. 

“Oh, yeah, when we declared me to be Remus's consort it was like a wildfire. I think people might run screaming. Damien, the most eligible bachelor in the whole compound, hooking up with an outsider who is already seeing two people? Madness,” Remy’s voice was bordering mischievous into wicked with delight. 

“We should do it,” Virgil slurred as he started drifting. 

“Get some sleep,” Remy stroked Virgil’s cheek affectionately. 

“’Kay, love you,” Virgil whispered nearly silently, but in the dark quiet room, he was positive that Remy heard him. 

“Love you, too,” Remy held Virgil close, his voice full of tenderness. The soft smell of the night air and the sweet mead from Remy intermingled with the warmth and lulled Virgil swiftly into the void of sleep as soon as Virgil gave up trying to stay awake. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 Warnings:  
> Alcohol, Underaged Drinking, Self-Doubt, Negative Self-Language (mild), Melancholy Moods, Inflicting/Receiving Mild Pain (Hot Hands), Kissing, and Excessive Vine References
> 
> Thanks to [Ocean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/midge1/pseuds/midge1) for Beta'ing!


	10. Remus - What That Mouth Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A discussion ends up being a near miss into awful territory and Virgil is gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings in endnotes

The morning light diffused through the curtains woke Remus gradually. He blinked a few times to the darkened room before yawning and looking around the room. Everyone was in bed. Virgil was between Damien and Remy, and Remy was curled up next to Remus. He had to admit Remy’s quiet lullaby actually helped him fall asleep, even though he still felt restless. Remus slept like a rock, even. Remus slipped his pillow into Remy’s arms and covered him back up promptly to trap the heat in with them. Remy grumbled and pulled Remus’s pillow tight, but he kept breathing evenly.

Remus headed to the bathroom quietly. He didn’t think he’d wake them up, but Remy’s hangover would be ferocious and Virgil and Damien were probably still drained from yesterday and he didn’t want to risk any of them waking. Remus washed his face in the small bathroom. The cool water finished waking Remus up, and he slipped moisturizer on the ends of his twists lazily. After a wide yawn, he changed out of his pyjamas and finished up in the bathroom. Remus was thankful Remy stayed up with him last night. He knew Roman was alright, he could feel that instinctually. But last night was hard, and he needed the company.

He slipped on his stole and headed over to the kitchens. He wondered if Thorn and Morgan were okay. Remy _did_ drink them under the table while they sat under a table, in the very iconic way he did things. A spirit walked side by side with him down the hall, leaving a trail of energy behind him. He wasn’t sure what type of spirit this one was. The elemental ones were easy to figure out, but the rest were more subtle. He thought that maybe this wasn’t the first time he’d seen this one. He wasn’t positive, but he could have sworn it was the first one he saw after he opened his eyes when the dragons gave him his gift.

“Y’following me around?” Remus asked curiously. The spirit paused for a moment before continuing forward. Right. The spirits only speak Draconian. Spirits understood concepts, though, right? They sent concepts and images most of the time. If he just sent it as a mental message and projected it like they had been practicing with each other, then maybe he could get it to change its form so Remus would recognize it easier.

Remus paused and did his best to just think of a simpler form Remus could look out for. He didn’t know why he picked a ferret, but he did. He focused on nothing but the idea of a ferret and that spirit for a moment before continuing forward. The spirit must have gotten the picture because a ferret scampered forward next to him. He had no guarantee the spirit would stick with this form, especially since ferret was already loosely defined as the energy shifting about. Hopefully, now he can see it if continued to follow him and could answer the question himself.

“Hey, everybody,” Remus greeted them brightly as he stepped into the kitchen, waving his hand.

“Oh, Sir Remus! Thank the Dragons, can you please help? People might have celebrated your birthday a little too enthusiastically and we’re a few hands short,” Flora explained hastily, calling from the stone ovens. Remus went to go wash his hands right away.

“Sure,” Remus called back, heading over to a counter with the baskets and pulling out a washed sweet potato. “How we feeling about home fries for these sweet potatoes?” He suggested. They should be easy to cook up en masse, and cubing them was easy to space into and do mechanically while he watched the spirits.

“Great!” Flora called back, sounding distracted. Remus went to grab a grater and worked on cutting the sweet potatoes into even pieces.

“Good morning, Sir Remus,” Felton said tiredly and came up next to him, pulling out a green bell pepper to chop up for breakfast.

“Drink too much last night?” Remus asked, watching Felton move sluggishly.

“Who didn’t?” Felton laughed with a slight yawn. “I don’t know how you do it,” He rubbed his face on his shoulder while he continued slicing the pepper.

“I’ve got the constitution of a dragon,” Remus stated proudly.

“Y’know, that’s not that surprising,” Felton laughed, scraping off seeds before dicing up the bell peppers.

Remus filled a few enormous bowls with potato shreddings before helping with juicing and watering down the fruit juice with breakfast. Making food for a couple hundred people every morning was always an event. He even got out the frozen chicken broth from the freezer to heat, because a few people went a little too hard last night. It flattered him that all those people were celebrating his dumb birthday so hard they got sick.

He helped Damien run the compound relatively often, but sometimes he still felt like he was an outsider here. Virgil said the feeling might go away with time. He felt the same way often. More people here knew his name, talked to him, and cared about him here than the number of people he interacted with in the seventeen years he wasted outside of here, so he knew the feeling wasn’t based on reality. He was used to being a loner for so long. It was hard to believe he had friends and got along with people here.

Flora let Remus get the first pick of the food for helping. He got a tray of loaded eggs, hash browns, fruit, and extra bread along with everyone’s drinks. Nobody questioned that he was bringing Damien’s meal to him. They were used to Remus grabbing it on days where Damien slept in by now. 

They were gossipy sons of bitches, but nobody seemed to catch on to the fact that Damien stayed in their room sometimes. That would be all over the compound if it got out. Damien could and was free to do so, technically. But it wasn’t how things were done normally, especially with a non-seer in the room. It was lucky they didn’t share that hall with many people, even if it was by design.

He followed the spirit down the hall towards their room. The spirit ferret had ecstatic vibes about Remus being back with them. Damien explained that the spirits he saw right now were ones that wanted to be seen and that even though he now had spirit vision by default, he’d still have to practice to see more. He wondered if the ferret friend wanted something or just was lonely. The ferret went right through the door in a puff of glowing smoke and Remus turned around to push the door open with his butt. He placed the tray on the table and set it for the four of them.

“Hey nerds, breakfast,” Remus knocked on the wood bed frame. Virgil jumped in surprise and Remy woke up more blearily. Damien was still asleep, somehow, despite the bed shaking from the loud knock. Virgil rolled over to give Damien a hug before sitting up, waking up Damien in the process.

“Hm?” Damien blinked awake and rubbed his face. “Good morning,” He muttered tiredly,

“You got me like, so much toast and butter, right?” Remy grumbled, squishing his face aggressively into the pillow before sitting up gradually.

“So much. Come on, toast is best fresh,” Remus held out his hand and helped Remy out of the massive bed. Remy grumbled and wandered into the bathroom while Virgil and Damien slogged their way to an upright position.

“I am… so fucking drained,” Virgil sighed, leaning against the headboard. The dark shadows under his eyes looked huge, and Remus felt for the poor gremlin.

“You wanna try the energy transfer thing?” Remus offered, holding up his hand and wiggling his fingers.

“Nah, I’d rather you be able to carry my ass if I blackout later,” Virgil chuckled weakly, waving Remus off.

“You weigh as much as a sack of potatoes, I’m not worried about it,” Remus rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

“Virgil still rebounds most things, you can try again another time after he’s better at opening up,” Damien shook his head and rubbed his face.

“Opening up is hard,” Virgil whined, shifting to get out of bed. He headed into the bathroom with a series of grumbles. It looked as if Virgil and Remy were vibing on the bitter wavelength.

“How about you, D, need a boost?” Remus held up his hand again. Damien didn’t look as corpse-like as Virgil did, but it was only fair to ask.

“No, I’ll be fine after breakfast, I think. Virgil took most of the hit during the ritual. I think his practice opening up might have made him a little more susceptible to the dragons, which is a mixed bag. It’s usually the opposite according to the journals, it’s easier to open up to others than the dragons,” Damien raked his fingers through his hair.

“Maybe Virgil just vibes with dragons better than people. I mean, that’s a fucking mood,” Remus hummed, glancing to the bathroom. “You think after breakfast you can tell me what kind of spirit has been hanging around me? I’m curious. It’s not elemental,” He asked, pointing to the loosely defined ferret running through the air. Remus wasn’t taught whatever vibes this spirit had when they went over the basics. It seemed friendly, whatever it was.

“If I have the energy, I don’t mind looking into it,” Damien nodded to Remus and headed over to the bathroom. He leaned against the wall until Remy came out. Remy plopped down in a chair at the table and took a sip of the orange juice. Remus went to go join him at the table as he stared in on his grand breakfast feast.

“How’s the hangover?” Remus asked as he slathered the toast in the fresh butter.

“Not the worst. I had lots of water,” Remy shrugged, though he was clearly more fucked up than that. Remy went hard with Remus after Virgil and Damien left. “No loud noises or bright lights, still. I already took off work, so I’ll be fine as long as I don’t face the summer sun,” Remy shook his head sluggishly, also going for the toast first. “Hey, it’s nice in here now. For people not hungover, anyway. But, like, how do they deal with the whole _heat_ situation in the winter?” He asked curiously, then took a small bite of toast.

Remus finished chewing his food before responding. “Hot water bottles, woolen blankets, and thick clothes. There’re fireplaces in all the dormitories, but this room got retrofitted so we don’t have a fire. No chimney for it. Damien’s room does, so we can always camp out in there,” Remus shrugged. He hadn’t thought about that before, but it was a sound plan. “Virgil’s birthday might have some shitty half-frozen hangovers, though,” He glanced up as he considered it. That sounded unpleasant. Maybe they should get high, instead.

“Actually, me and V were joking last night about how much of a riot it would be if I was also declared Damien’s consort. Maybe we could just move into his room if we do, other than watch the chaos that ensues,” Remy tapped his fingers together as if he was scheming evilly. Remus hummed curiously at Remy while he rolled his fingers.

“You’re having fun being the center of good gossip for once, huh?” Remus smirked and enjoyed another large bite of breakfast. They’d need to make an even bigger bed.

“Oh, it’s magical,” Remy grinned and took another bite of toast. “Mm, home fries,” He hummed and scooped a few cubes of sweet potato on his toast.

“Hhh,” Virgil groaned as Damien shoved Virgil out of the bathroom. Virgil stumbled and shot Damien a brief glare before looking resigned.

“Quit being a baby and eat breakfast, Virgil,” Damien rolled his eyes as he herded Virgil to the food.

“I got you fruit, Virge, don’t worry about it,” Remus consoled him and Virgil perked up and headed over to the table, grabbing the fruit slices right away as he sat down.

“Fruit won’t hurt me. Fruit’s the best,” Virgil mumbled and shoved a cut of peach in his mouth.

“Being afraid of food is ridiculous, Virgil, just ask the dragons what it is you can’t eat,” Damien scoffed as he sat down on the chair heavily, and leaned on the table.

“That seems like… wrong. Isn’t that like… a paltry concern for dragons? What stuff gives Virgil a tummy ache or doesn’t?” Remy furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Virgil nervously.

“They look out for their own and we encourage befriending them. I happen to get along famously with—” Holy fuck, how did D’s tongue even do that? Everyone just stared at Damien after that out of nowhere utterance of Draconic.

“Yeah, I don’t think I can pronounce that without a forked tongue,” Virgil shook his head in defeat. Virgil was doing better at learning Draconic than Remus was, and he could definitely relate to that idea. Plus forked tongues were just cool.

“Ream’s a legal adult, why don’t you take him to a tattoo shop in town?” Remy offered tiredly, motioning with his toast as he leaned on his arm and munched languidly at it.

“We have a piercer here who can research the methods during the next season of the wind. But why _Remus_?” Damien asked curiously. Virgil shoved another peach slice in his mouth, looking away. Remy’s eyes widened, and he swallowed his toast hard.

“Ream’s constitution is better,” Remy attempted, but it was probably already obvious something was up to Damien. Remus sighed and slumped on his arm, eating some eggs sideways on the table. Curse Damien’s stupid natural vibes-reading powers. Virgil can be hard to read on his own, and Remus was great at staying zen enough to not register for Damien as something being off. But Remy’s emotional vibes were loud and clear, and there was no avoiding that. It was inevitable, but Remus had hoped they’d be all be eighteen before it happened.

“Virgil lied about his age, didn’t he,” Damien deadpanned and Virgil sputtered on his peach, coughing hard. Remy panicked and patted at Virgil’s back, but Virgil waved his hand to signal that he was okay.

“Yeah… we might have all lied about our ages,” Remus shrugged in defeat. “You know why there’s no way we’re letting Remy go back to his dad, right? He’s eighteen in a few weeks and can easily pass as an adult,” Remus added hopefully, looking to Damien and chewing the inside of his cheek.

“I… am painfully aware,” Damien flinched when Remy winced and rubbed his face. Fuck, Remy still can’t handle his dad getting mentioned. Remus shot Remy an apologetic look, but Remy was staring blankly at the table and didn’t see. Virgil fussed over Remy with a concerned expression when Remy’s breath hitched. 

Virgil took Remy’s hand when Remy put his toast on the tray and held his head. Remus hoped Virgil had it handled. Virgil whispered something in Remy’s ear and it helped him calm down, but Remy pulled Virgil in for a hug that might have been squeezing too hard. It seemed Virgil tolerated it just fine, though, other than a wince. He was clearly more worried about Remy than breathing at this point.

“Virgil’s just a few months out now. There’s nobody at his house and he doesn’t do so well alone, Double D. Like… he used to _cut_ if we left him alone too long kind of bad,” Remus informed Damien darkly, stabbing at his eggs with the wooden fork. Virgil couldn’t keep that hidden from Damien forever, and he figured he may as well rip off that bandaid. Remus would try anything to convince Damien to not send Virgil or Remy back.

“Ream!” Virgil squeaked angrily, flushing bright red in the ears. Remy was still squeezing Virgil tight, burying his head the best he could into Virgil. Teddy-bear Virgil was completely incapable of retaliating right now, and Remus was counting on that. Virgil could be mad at Remus all he wanted, as long as he was still _here_ to do it.

“Virgil!” Damien looked with concern to him, gripping his hands on the table.

“I know! Sacred! Take care of the vessel! I didn’t know I had freaking dragon powers, okay! I just knew my parents hated me and got caught up in my head! Sorry!” Virgil explained rapidly. Remus heard Remy’s breath was picking up again. Come _on_ , Damien. He knows he shouldn’t. He can easily check. Damien needed to tell Remy he was safe. Remus knew Damien could feel it. Damien’s fingers slipped through something unseen in the air off to the side with a pensive expression.

“So if we returned them to their families like I legally should…” Damien sighed in resignation, his normally impeccable posture drooping.

“Not the best idea. Virgil can’t cook, so he’ll just go back to eating garbage and being depressed,” Remus shook his head. He didn’t want to even mention Remy, so he didn’t make things worse for the imminent panic attack. It seemed like he was barely hanging on as it is.

“I can’t believe you bastards made me technically a _kidnapper_ ,” Damien rubbed his face in annoyance. “Fine. Out of respect for Remy and Virgil’s agency and concern for their safety, I will not have someone return them to town,” Damien said bitterly. “Please don’t spread this information. I will feign ignorance and Virgil and Remy are eighteen, and you are nineteen. Nobody is leaving. I would rather you be safe, even if I have to commit crimes,” He declared firmly. Remy relaxed a little and Virgil took a deep breath in relief. _Finally_.

Damien got up from his seat and walked around the table to Remy, putting his hand on the free shoulder. He pulled at something invisible with a quick jerk. Remy slumped, releasing Virgil from his death grip. He looked exhausted, but his breathing was even and gentle, now. 

Virgil pressed a kiss to Remy’s forehead and Damien reached around to hug Remy’s shoulders before going back to his seat. Remy mumbled his thanks and Virgil moved his plate and chair, sitting right against Remy. There was a pause of silence while all three stared at Remy. Remy took Virgil’s hand again and shot Damien and Remus a tired smile.

“I’m okay, now,” Remy reassured them, reaching to pick up his toast again.

“Keeping our ages under wraps was the plan, Rem’s just hungover,” Remus chuckled lightly. He was still nervous about Remy, but Damien knew what he was doing. Remy was already relaxing today, so hopefully, he’ll be better later.

“Yeah… whoops. I won’t talk to anyone else until the hangover passes,” Remy replied sheepishly, taking a bite of toast. Okay, yeah, Remy seemed okay. Remus took a bite of his eggs now that he could focus on literally anything else but being concerned that Remy might have a panic attack.

“The uh, dragon’s milk healed all my scars, if that makes you feel any better,” Virgil offered weakly. He held up his arm and yanked down his sleeve with his sleeve to show Damien his wrist. Damien leaned forward to look. The skin was clear and smooth, like it had been for a while now. Virgil still just preferred long sleeves out of habit or something. The mood in here was still weird, even if Damien fucked with Remy’s energy to cut off the bad vibes.

“In a strange way, it does,” Damien sighed, glancing at Remy once more before looking to Virgil, who was twisting his arm back and forth to wriggle the sleeve back down. “Please never do that again,” He looked to Virgil sadly and put his hand on Virgil’s shoulder.

“I’ve got all of you, I won’t. I haven’t even thought about it. I’m not alone anymore,” Virgil shook his head sullenly. There was a pregnant pause of awkwardness in which they pushed at their food, and Virgil looked defeated.

“So… double D?” Damien asked curiously, arching an eyebrow and clearly trying to change the subject to something lighter.

“Dragon Damien!” Remus beamed, happy to take the opportunity to talk about anything else. Virgil hurting himself was horrible to think about, even without it being the first massive fight they got into. The spirit ferret scampered across the wall behind Damien, and Remus watched it curiously. “I’m down with getting a forked tongue, by the way,” He added, getting back to the original topic they got distracted from with their half-assed age shenanigans.

“We don’t have a doctor or strong antibiotics. I’m not a fan of the risk,” Damien replied flatly, lowering his eyebrows.

“Can we use some dragon milk? I just have to put up with the pain once and it could heal me up overnight,” Remus suggested, holding up a finger.

“It’s an experiment to better serve the dragons, so it might fall under sacred purposes,” Virgil added distractedly, still keeping a close eye on Remy.

“I suppose it wouldn’t take much to just heal your tongue,” Damien mused, but he didn’t sound sold on the idea. Gathering dragon milk was a fucking event, so it was rationed carefully. Virgil and Remus won’t even start learning the stuff they need to know to start for years. Even Damien wasn’t that practiced at it.

“If it works, I’m down,” Virgil shrugged, picking at his peach. “I’ll, uh, ask the dragons about the food thing and stop being stubborn about it. I’m sorry, D,” Virgil sighed, sounding completely beat. Remy reached up and ruffled Virgil’s hair affectionately.

“Hiding in the shower from breakfast isn’t _ideal_ , no,” Damien rolled his eyes and leaned on the bridge of his fingers. “Thank you. Are there any other secrets I should know about?” He asked tiredly.

“I’m going to use Remy to test my modernized adaptations of the texts,” Virgil offered meekly, picking at his toast.

“Flora’s been having me temp in the kitchen because I’m good with knives,” Remus admitted between bites of food.

“I don’t have any issues with either of those,” Damien exhaled in relief loosened up to pick up his eating utensils. “Remy is a good candidate for that as someone with no familiarity with the material. Does that mean you might try to be an acolyte in the future?” He looked to Remy expectantly.

“Um, yeah. Later, though. I’ve got some personal shit to deal with first,” Remy shook his head. “I’d rather go into it ready instead of scared if that’s okay,” He added quietly, tapping nervously at the table.

“Of course it’s all right,” Damien smiled reassuringly. Remy shot him a smile and looked back to his plate. He seemed to consider something for a moment before looking back to Damien with an impish grin.

“Oh, and we want to declare me as your consort to see the gossip explosion,” Remy suggested more playfully. Damien froze for a moment, looking surprised.

“Mm, that would be an event,” Damien purred with delight, looking incredibly pleased with the idea already. “I have to admit, I’m very intrigued by the prospect. I’ll ask—” Oh fuck, he did that tongue thing again when he said a dragon’s name. “—what they think about it. I’m still not interested in a relationship any further than platonic, just so you know,” He added, tilting his head.

“That’s fine, I get plenty of romance from my starry eyes,” Remy said teasingly and Virgil blushed as Remy kissed his temple. “We already cuddle and hang out, so other than me having to follow the fancy manners and being allowed to touch you outside the room, it would be pretty similar,” He shrugged dismissively. Remus wasn’t surprised Remy would be interested in being closer with Damien with how well they were getting along these days. Remy just picked at food again, glancing at Damien.

“I still think it’s so funny Remus was so unable to keep his hugs to himself that we had to declare Remy his consort, too,” Virgil chuckled, shooting a cheerful look at Remus. “Not that you two don’t already have chemistry or anything,” He added, glancing between Remus and Remy.

“Eh, I’m like D. Sex and romance aren’t really my thing. I like the idea of ‘em and I don’t mind getting them, but they’re not something I’m looking for. But we should kiss sometime _just_ so you haven’t kissed my brother more than you’ve kissed your cultmate,” Remus laughed and pointed with his fork, making a kissy face. Remy made one back before Damien loudly objected.

“For the love of the dragons, please _stop_ calling it a cult. I don’t care if it’s technically accurate through the secondary definitions, it does not give us the best image. We’re a religious sect that follows the natural laws of the dragons,” Damien groaned, smacking his hand on the table. Remy jumped, but he was still smirking at Damien’s outburst.

“Yeah, sectmate sounds dirtier,” Remus said pointedly, and Virgil nearly choked on a peach slice again, but he caught himself before he did with just a single cough.

“Not that I’m opposed to you two kissing, but please warn me if you do,” Virgil whispered, looking intently at his plate with a conflicted expression.

“What, does Vi-Vi also want Remus smooches?” Remus teased and blew Virgil a kiss.

“No comment!” Virgil shot, sitting up straighter and looking worried. “I don’t want to be sappy and other shit with you. I just don’t think… I’d mind a kiss on the cheek. Whatever. This is dumb. Feelings are dumb, I hate everything,” Virgil huffed and buried his face in his hands. Remy sighed affectionately and gave Virgil a side-hug. Damien leaned on his arm and nodded in agreement, sharing a look with Remus.

“I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with that nonsense,” Damien sighed wearily, watching Virgil be embarrassed to hell with a tired expression.

“Platonic friend kiss maybe if we feel like it, but we don’t have to and it doesn’t have to be a thing,” Remus tried re-wording it just to save Virgil from his powerful blush and conflicted vibes.

“Yeah, that. I’m so glad you get me because this is so fucking awkward,” Virgil groaned, slumping back in his seat.

“Everybody knows you’re a super affectionate ball of hate, V,” Remy said playfully and pulled him close to kiss his head again. Virgil exhaled hard and his bangs shifted from the air.

Damien leaned in on his arms and raised his eyebrow, looking at Virgil curiously for a moment before smirking with a flirtatious expression. “Does that mean you also want to kiss me, Virgil?” Damien crooned and Virgil jumped and tried to hide in Remy’s shirt, and his whole face looked red. It must have tickled because Remy giggled as Virgil buried himself in fabric. Damien laughed heartily and went back to eating, looking very amused. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:   
> Food, Food Issues, Knives, Gossip (positive), Hangover, insults, discussion of wounds, mentioned implied abuse, mention of s//h, near panic attack, discussion of medication, teasing.

**Author's Note:**

> ♪ [Painful Death Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/09VrOYQ6sbkl0uuT8Lna8b?si=0jbWCjbiRWWbxORhZIXH6Q) ♫
> 
> Questions, comments, incoherent screaming, quotes you just liked, theories, what stupid things you think Remus, Virgil, and Remy text each other, and memes all welcome in the comment section below. Even an extra <3 kudos is greatly appreciated! I am emotionally validated by inbox notifications. Also, they help me remember to take notes on stuff I forgot or fix problems in the next chapter, so they help me write! If you're interested in seeing the main cast (sleepanxceitmus) there's [one with a few visual spoilers for later chapters on my tumblr.](https://onthevirgeofdestruction.tumblr.com/post/635994324424884224/painful-death-main-cast-but-theres-so-visual) There's [another](https://onthevirgeofdestruction.tumblr.com/post/627462346283024384/request-from-golden-wolf-006-painful-death-for) [two](https://onthevirgeofdestruction.tumblr.com/post/614801618970525696/my-idiot-children-from-painful-death-for-the) if you're interested but you live your life.  
> 
> 
> [Story Discord Server](https://discord.gg/ThcDBSP)
> 
> writing/sanders sides tumblr: [@onthevirgeofdestruction](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/onthevirgeofdestruction/)  
> 
> 
> If you would like recommendations of some of my other writing between updates, here you go! Would you like suffering teens with some good adults? [Dreaming While I Wake](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23748232) is the angsty nightmare for you! If you would like suffering children with good adults and more hurt/comfort than angst, check out the [Whole Castle](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24402835) shorts. If you don't care about more family or fantasy elements and just want that straight angst in your system, how about [Slopes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29496978)? If you want more chaotic gays and fantasy-meets-modern elements, head to [Plea for my New Self](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22807720). If you like magic and ridiculousness, you might also like [this short](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24243988/chapters/60869206) in particular. If you want more children with superpowers, check out [Incorrigable](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27410926), which is also shorts. If you like Remus and Virgil absolutely vibing, you might like [Tied in Green](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29616360), which also has modern magic themes, but much less chaotic than the prior and more emotional hurt/comfort. You may also enjoy parts of [Storytime!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22611418) for that Dukexiety chaos. (in particular chapters 12, 21, and 33) Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy the wild ride!


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